How to Boost your Libido – 5 Ways For A Sustained Sex Life

How to Boost your Libido - Older couple looking happy together

IF YOU USED TO ENJOY making love with your husband… But now it is just something you do for ‘relationship maintenance' to get him off your case then

You are not alone

Low libido is a common problem.  According to Dr. Rebecca Amaru, a gynecologist, reduced libido happens in women as young as 30.

A study that was published in the Journal of Impotence indicated that 43% of the women interviewed revealed that they experienced declining or loss of sexual desire by the time they were 40. The study also showed that 36% of the women who were actively having sex indicated that they were not enjoying it.

Fear not

Here comes the good news, Libido decline or loss is not a permanent condition.

Just as many things can affect your sexual desire: emotional, physical and biological, there are many ways in when you can rectify your sex drive.

5 Ways to Boost Your Libido

1. Practice mindfulness

According to Sherry Rose, MD, women’s sexual desire starts in the brain. Therefore, the daily stresses of children, money, work, and relationships will lead to low libido.

A woman's libido is made up of a complete emotional algorithm. Therefore, if she is confused, tired or overwhelmed, her body will produce more of cortisol (the stress hormone) which consequently decreases the production of testosterone.

Testosterone is a critical component of your sexual desire. Even if you don't have as much testosterone as your husband, you must have enough of it to stimulate sexual desire in your body. Testosterone also initiates blood flow that causes your vagina to become sensitive and more likely to orgasm.

Confirming this theory is the Director of the Woman's Health Clinic at the Mayo Clinic, Dr. Stephene S. Faubian. According to her, the balance of brain chemicals is what mainly influences a woman's libido. Dopamine and norepinephrine increase your sexual desire, while testosterone, opioids, and serotonin inhibit your desire

Did you know: Research shows that even when a woman's body is turned on, she won't recognize it if she is not emotionally open to the idea of making love.  

The importance of mindfulness

Sex therapists indicate that mindfulness exercises like meditation, focused breathing, and yoga help to alter the balance of the brain chemicals in a good way. Mindfulness reduces stress hormones which have been proven to cause low libido. A study that was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicated that women who suffered from sexual dysfunction significantly boosted their sexual responsiveness once they were trained in mindfulness.

Another research that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine indicated that women who practiced an hour of yoga each day increased their average scores on sexual desire, lubrication, arousal, orgasms, and overall sexual fulfillment.

2. Solve your marital issues promptly

Marital experts indicate that for many women, low sex drive is intimately linked to their romantic relationships. If a woman is feeling neglected, taken for granted, or is angry with her husband, her sexual desire will be eaten away.

According to Professor Virginia Sadock, a renowned sex therapist at NYU, many women are scared to admit that their relationship is the cause of their desire issues. They are afraid that this admission would mean that their marriage is in trouble.  

However, Sadock indicates that the marital issues that affect a woman’s libido are not the divorce level problems but rather a compilation of small and very fixable issues that pile up over time.

The therapist says that many women are simply too overloaded: too many responsibilities, too much work, too little help and inadequate acknowledgment from their partners:

  • Identify whether there are any issues about your marriage that are bothering you and possibly affecting your sexual drive
  • Next, talk to your husband – but not in an accusatory way. Avoid phrases like: ‘You make feel horrible when…….., you turn me off when….’
  • Assure your husband that you find him attractive and you are interested in rekindling your sex life.
  • Let your husband know how much his affection matters to you and how much his appreciation for the things that you do for the family makes you feel valued and sexy.
  • Inform your husband that you need to feel that he appreciates and cares for you all the time; not only when he wants sex
  • Ensure that you and your husband regularly spend some time together   to keep strengthening your bond

3. Exercise

You may wonder what exercise has to do with sex, but remember, blood flows to your genitals the same way it flows to your heart. Exercise increases blood flow, boosts your hormones and endorphins: testosterone, adrenaline, serotonin, and boosts your feel-good neurotransmitters. All these processes go a long way to increase your libido.

Exercise will also help you to lose weight, which decreases abdominal fat, increases muscle tone, boosts stamina- creating better and stronger orgasms.

Question is: what is holding your back from exercising?

A great way to start an excercise routine is to make it stupidly simple and consistent. For example, put on your gym clothes everyday. It sounds too simple and easy to work right?

But after a few days you will be ‘someone who wears their gym clothes' and it would seem silly not to do some form of exercise… This technique builds your identity as ‘someone who exercises', which is a very large part of the battle that goes unnoticed by many people.

4. Load up on aphrodisiac foods

Cultures around the world have used some herbs and foods as aphrodisiacs for centuries.

Some aphrodisiacs stimulate the nerves in your genitals; others increase the level of nitric oxide, which increases your blood flow to your vagina; while others increase the feel-good chemicals in your brain.

Some of the foods and herbs that are used as aphrodisiacs include:

  • Chinese ginseng
  • Schizandra
  • Rhodiola
  • Dark Chocolate
  • Cayenne
  • Nutmeg
  • Walnuts
  • Asparagus
  • Maca
  • Pine nuts

5. Keep things new and fresh

Routine has its place in a relationship, but new sexual experiences will increase your libido. Science indicates that new experiences help your hypothalamus to increase dopamine in anticipation of an incredible outcome. Dopamine has a significant effect on your sexual desire. The more the dopamine is injected into your brain, the more your sexual desire will rise.  

So, how do you get the dopamine surge?  

Try new things with your husband: exploring new places and trying new activities together will increase the amount of dopamine in your brain. Remember, the new experiences do not have to be extravagant:

  • Explore a new park
  • Try a new hiking trail
  • Sample a new restaurant

These are accessible experiences that are not only affordable but deeply rewarding.

Try a new sex position

Trying new sex positions may be just what you need to increase your libido. You may even find a new favorite position that will enhance your sexual experience in ways that you have never imagined.   

Did you know: There are more than 240 sex positions.

Try as many positions as you can. The process will not just be fun for you and your husband, but you will greatly enhance your bond.

At the end of the night

A healthy libido is worth every effort: the payoff extends far beyond the bedroom.

 Improving your sexual desire has a massive impact on your physical wellbeing: decreased blood pressure, and a healthy immune system.

Improving your sexual desire will also boost your emotional wellbeing: a sense of intimacy and belonging. Besides, a vibrant sexual life will enhance the emotional connection with your husband. Increasing your libido may take a little bit of effort, but it is deeply gratifying.

5 Things a Woman Does to Push a Man Away

Things a Woman Does to Push a Man Away - Man walking away from wife

NO ONE SETS OUT TO SABOTAGE their relationship. We all want our marriages and relationships to work.

However, our actions do not always reflect this reality. With all your good efforts, you could be unconsciously driving your husband away.

So exactly what is driving him away? Here are the things that you can control that push him away.

The things that women do to push their husbands away

You are too needy

When you have been married for some time, you may feel the need to cling to your husband to maintain your relationship. You could also be needy because you are responding to a change that you have observed in your husband.

It is also likely that you feel an emptiness that you think that only your husband can fill for you. Unfortunately, your husband can only do so much for you, and if he is already giving you loads of attention, your clinginess and anxiety is bound to be frustrating.

Neediness will push your husband away. It is very exhausting to have to assure another person continually. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, needy people become so dependent and clingy that they drive their partners away. Excessive need for assurance and affection is such a burden to have to deal with on a daily basis.

According to Psychology Today, there are two significant causes of neediness:

  • One’s childhood: Did you consistently lose the battle for attention from your parents when you were a child? Could it be that your dad was never home? Or you were probably bullied in school, and you still carry scars. All these wounds can trigger the desperation to cling on the one person that you know loves you – your husband.
  • You have fostered rejection in your husband: You were perfectly fine until you fell in love. Then you became vulnerable, and you started worrying that he will leave. So, you began to cling even harder. But your clingy dependency annoys him, and he distances himself. So you become desperate, and you push even more. He gets no space because you always need to talk, and you always need an answer.

You have the right to your husband’s attention

You have a right to receive attention from your husband. However, how you ask for it matters a lot. If you feel that your husband is not attentive, explain calmly the kind of attention you need. Then give positive feedback when you get the attention.

Also, make a point of addressing issues as they arise. This improves the psychological wellbeing of both you, and enhances the quality of your marriage.

Do not place the burden of your happiness on your husband. When you expect your husband to be your completion, then you become terrified of losing him.

Your marriage should not be your sole source of joy in this world because you will then inevitably cling to it desperately. Desperation smothers the life out of love and kills attraction and a marriage.

Denying your husband space

Space issues plague every couple at one time or another. Many couples have grappled with questions of how much time to spend together and how much physical affection each partner desires.

You are a couple, and not clones

Many couples make the mistake of thinking that they should spend all their time together. Some spouses even believe that they should have the same needs and desires since they are married. Patricia Farrell, the author of ‘How to be Your Own Therapist,’ indicates that couples should find the balance between togetherness and individuality. A couple must figure out where the ‘us’ and the ‘I’ begin.

Marriage therapists indicate that time apart from your husband can inject a new life to your togetherness. Wendy Allen, a psychotherapist, says that for a marriage to be whole, each partner should endeavor to be a healthy, whole individual who consequently will make positive contributions to the marriage.

Christopher Knippers, the author of ‘Cultivating Confidence,’ indicates that physical and emotional space is a basic human need. As such, when any of the partners assume that all their needs will be fulfilled through their spouse, they set up their relationship for disappointment and failure.

So,

When your husband requests for more space, be assured that he is not rejecting you. It is just something that he needs for himself – and – ultimately for you.

Do not:

  • Call him every single hour
  • Ask him where he is every minute
  • Get angry if he delays to text you back
  • Show up at his job unannounced now and then
  • Act hurt when he doesn’t invite you to hang out with his friends
  • Insist that you share hobbies

Try to box your husband into a corner and watch how fast you will lose him

You are too judgemental

How you treat your husband when you are hurt can either bring the two of you closer together or drive a massive wedge between the two of you.

How do you handle disappointments by your husband? Do you yell at him, stomp around, roll your eyes at him or enter the silent sulk mode whenever he makes a mistake?

Everyone makes mistakes in a relationship, and it is perfectly fine to bring it your husband’s attention when it happens. However, judging him harshly and berating him every single time will not only demoralize your husband but also alienate him.

  • I would like you to sit back and ask yourself some questions:
  • How does it benefit you to belittle your husband constantly?
  • Why do you feel the need to micromanage the way he does every little thing?
  • Are you accomplishing anything by being overly critical of him?
  • Is it reasonable for you to expect your husband to do everything just the way you want it?
  • And how does your constant judgment benefit your husband? Does it make him think, ‘Wow! I am sure am glad my wife is always here to set me straight!’

Being critical of your husband will only create more distance between the two of you. Purpose to always give him the benefit of the doubt, laugh things off and make it work with what you have.

Being entitled

One of the biggest turn off for a husband is a wife who acts entitled. Your husband will love that you have high standards, but he still wants you to appreciate him. According to marital experts, men absolutely crave appreciation. Appreciation is the essential fuel that a man needs to keep going in a relationship.

Entitlement and ungratefulness are probably the most unattractive traits in your husband’s eyes. Appreciating you man opens him up and activates his desire to bond with you and commit to the marriage.

Engaging in a power struggle with your husband

Are you the kind of wife who always wants to prove that she is smart, independent and tough? It irritates your husband when you are constantly trying to upstage him. Power struggle takes many forms:

  • Competing with him in disagreements – who gets the last word?
  • Always being condescending – cutting down your husband’s thoughts and opinions
  • Flaunting your career, education, and money to be the superior person in the relationship. These kind of behavior are a complete turnoff. A power struggle is an energy drain for your husband and your relationship. You and your husband are a team. Don’t ever forget that.

In Summary

Take stock of how you treat your husband. If you have some bad, it is only a matter of time before you push your husband away.

Be kind, show your husband compassion, respect him and be responsible for your happiness. Being mindful of these small things will significantly help you to strengthen the bond with your husband.         

EXPERT ADVICE – “How Can I Be More Attractive to My Husband?”

How Can I Be More Attractive to My Husband - couple laughing in bed

Can you remember the last time your husband:

  • Told you he was thinking about you?
  • Looked at you lustfully?
  • Touched you seductively?

It's too common an issue. We feel taken for granted in a relationship and wonder where the fun and excitement went. The good news is that intimacy can get better in the long term. Although it needs to be worked on a little…

How you can remain attractive to your husband

Being attractive in your husband's eyes keeps his attention and helps with other issues that arise in marriages. Below are the ways to ensure that your husband has eyes only for you.     

1. Take care of yourself

A lot of marital advice calls on women to pursue their husbands by doing things to and for the husbands. But you can also win your husbands attention by doing things for yourself

As a wife, you are called to take care of your husband, home and possibly children. But, if you are not well, whether physically, socially or emotionally, you cannot take care of your family.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. You have got to take care of yourself first.

This means:

  • Don't work yourself to the bone and give yourself some breathing space
  • Keep an open mind about things rather than chasing perfection all the time
  • Look after yourself physically
  • Watch what you eat and put into your body

2. Build a healthy social life

If you desire a healthy marriage, get a life. Some women discard their social lives entirely once they get married. What you may not realize is that revolving your life around your husband is a huge turnoff.

Having a life outside your marriage will give you autonomy in your relationship and take the pressure to make you happy from your husband.

How Can I Be More Attractive to My Husband - Couple unhappy in bed
When your life revolves around your husband, he will feel pressured and start to withdraw from your marriage

3. Create a balance between the time you spend with your husband and the time you spend apart

How much time do you spend with your husband? If you and your husband spend all your free time together, a little space will help to make the time you spend with your husband more fulfilling.

  • Pursue passions that are not dependent on your husband
  • Nurture your own circle of friends
  • Get involved in an organization that relates to something that you do professionally
  • Do volunteer work that makes you feel fulfilled

Being around him all the time does not leave him any room to miss you. Having some sense of independence and autonomy makes your own life more exciting, gives you something to look forward to and improves your mood. The happier you are, the better you are able to reconnect with your husband during the time you spend together.

On the contrary, if you are not spending any time with your husband, make an effort to spend quality time together. Plan date nights or special activities together. Regardless of how busy you are, you must keep your emotional connection going if you want to remain attracted to each other. When your emotional connection is intact, the attraction and passion will flow naturally.

4. Take care of yourself emotionally

Many times, the extent of your attraction to your husband is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

When you are happy, and your self-esteem is high, your partner will find you attractive. When you are stressed, distracted and feeling down, you lose the charming appeal to your husband.

It is always easy to project your insecurities and frustrations on the person closest to you – your husband – but this will do a lot of damage to his attraction towards you. Neediness is not attractive at all.

5. Work on your confidence

Confidence is an attractive quality, and lack of confidence will make you seem unappealing.

No matter what you might be going through, focus on your favorite qualities about yourself. Always remind yourself that you are interesting and sexy. If you are going through a rough patch, and you cannot banish those negative thoughts, take up practices like yoga and meditation for a little extra help.

When you have too much on your plate, get help:

  • Use a cleaning service to take care of chores at home
  • Hire a baby sitter for some relief
  • Request a friend to come and help you over the weekend

This will reduce the likelihood of nagging, which is such a buzzkill. Insecurity is a very unattractive trait, and very exhausting to be around.

6. Keep up with yourself

You cannot separate the roles of love and attraction in a relationship. While your marriage can be a result of great admiration for your personalities, ideals, and character, there must have been an element of physical attraction that first drew you to each other.

Think about the first year of your romance: the chances are that you never went out with your husband without looking your absolute best. Now, with a myriad of responsibilities and years of numbing familiarity, you might find that you neglect to put yourself first. You have probably piled up some extra weight, you walk around in overused sweatpants, and your eyebrows have not been twizzled for a long time.

The result is that your husband will still love you, but he will not be physically attracted to you. While sex is not the only factor in a healthy marriage, it is a crucial ingredient, and it begins with you. You need to take care of yourself because you do not only want your husband to find you attractive, but you also want to feel attractive as well.

Taking care of yourself increases your self-esteem, and higher self-esteem translates into feeling sexier. Your sexiness will radiate through, and your husband will not be able to resist you.

So,

  • Stay well groomed
  • Do some manicure/pedicure and paint your nails
  • Buy cute clothes that fit attractively
  • Stay moderately fit: exercise not only keeps you in shape but also releases endorphins which relieve stress and lift your moods
  • Go through your undergarments and throw away the old and unsexy ones
  • And most importantly, smile

Remember: Being attractive is regardless of your age or how long you have been married. As the saying goes, being attractive lasts longer than being pretty.

7. Respect your husband

In a study, Emerson Eggerichs, author of ‘Love and Respect,’ posed the following question to the participants:

If you were forced to choose between the following, which one would use prefer to endure: to be alone and unloved in the world or feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. From a sample of 400 men, 74% indicated that they would prefer to be alone and unloved rather than feel inadequate and disrespected. A sample from the same number of women showed that the majority of the women would rather feel inadequate and disrespected than alone and unloved.

His conclusion: A husband needs respect like he needs air to breathe, while a woman needs love as much as she needs air to breathe.

Eggerichs believes that many women are ignorant of their husband’s great need to be respected, and this is the source of conflict in many marriages. Your husband needs to know that you believe in him and admire him both privately and publicly.

Every husband is secretly vulnerable. When you disrespect him, he becomes insecure in his role as a husband. The antidote: Show him respect and affirm him. He will become more secure and confident in all the areas of his life.

The respect principle:

When you respect your husband, you have the unfair advantage that steals his attention and makes you irresistibly attractive him. Every other woman will fail in comparison, and you will be the only thing on his mind. Respect is the biggest key to get your husband to want to commit to you truly.

In Summary…

Ultimately remember that your husband’s desire is not even to be attracted to you…….. It is for you to be attracted to him.

The women you are competing with are those who make your husband feel desired, capable and interesting. So keep him feeling young, loved and important. Admire him always and let him know that you are his number one fan.

How to Get Your Husband to Notice You Again

How to get your husband to notice you again - husband looking at wife in kitchen

EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE GETTING the best of him, except you…

When you first met and got married there seemed no end to the amount of attention he gave you. Years later, you feel neglected.

How did you get to be the invisible wife?

Before we come to the solution, it is essential to explore the reasons why your husband has distanced himself from you:

Why your husband may have stopped noticing you

  1. He is distracted. There are many things that your husband may be preoccupied with to the extent of becoming oblivious to your presence. Is your Husband:
    • Anxious about his health?
    • Feeling some extra stress from the workplace, which is soaking up all his attention?
    • Obsessed with a particular hobby or activity?
  2. He is taking you for granted. It is possible that after years of being together, your husband loves you and really cares about you, but he has just become lazy about showing you how important you are to him.
  3. Your husband’s expectations for marriage are not being met. While this may be difficult to hear, it is possible that your husband is unhappy with your relationship. If your husband feels that his emotional and physical needs are not being fulfilled, it is no wonder he has pulled away

How to get your husband to notice you again

You want to feel that you are the centre of your husband’s world, and you deserve it. The good news is that you can retain the spark in your bond for a long time. However, it is not without effort.

1. Respect him like a King

  • Have you been a diva, disrespecting your husband in the process?
  • Have you take out your frustrations on your husband in public?
  • Do you try to control him and/or micro-manage him?

These points (and ones like these) can drive even the most patient man away.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him; and that you value and admire him. The most sure fire way to lose your man is to make him feel consistently disrespected. Alternatively, you will easily win back your husband’s attention if you look for ways you can show him respect.

Be attentive to your husband when he talks. When your husband is talking to you, give him your full attention: put your phone down, mute the T.V, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Always express your appreciation for everything that your husband does for you.

Do not put your husband down and do not make fun of him in front of others. Also, never speak ill of your husband to other people.

Always respect his intentions and efforts and put your questions and criticism positively.

2. Rekindle the romance

Many problems in a relationship start in the bedroom. How frequent is your sex? Does your husband feel desired?

  • Seduce your husband and bring back the romance to your marriage.
  • Arrange to send the kids away for the weekend or night and enjoy the freedom of being as creative as you like.
  • Wear that sexy lingerie

There are plenty of ways to seduce your husband, and you don’t even have to overthink. The most important thing is to put in the effort. Your husband will see it, and he will surely reciprocate.

3. Touch your husband more

Touching is a vital ingredient in maintaining physical affection in a relationship. When the touch is missing, the marriage begins to feel too much like a friendship, which is precisely what you do not want to happen.

Touching:

  • reates emotional intimacy in your relationship.
  • Makes partners feel safe
  • Builds trust
  • Creates feelings of love, compassion and reward

The non-sexual touch between you and your husband will lead to greater sexual intimacy, and your husband will never be able to resist you. What’s more, touch leads to more touching and the desire to be touched even more.

Touch him more. Touch him regularly

4. Let your husband chase you again

Marital experts have emphasized often enough that men have a natural urge to hunt. They like the excitement of the chase. Have you been providing him with the opportunity to chase you? The more you chase him, the more he will fight to get away; the harder you squeeze, the harder he will wiggle to get away.

Find a way to give your husband some space: Go out of town for the weekend, or pull back and give him a breather. Just get a life. Do you remember all the fun things you used to do before you got married? Start doing them again. Give your husband the space to miss you and chase you.

5. Use Your words

Words are powerful: they can be a dangerous weapon in your relationship, but they also have the creative power to heal.

You are part of the creator of the reality in your relationship. If you are always criticizing your husband, you are not only driving him further away but also affirming the outcome that you do not want, ‘You never pay attention to me, you no longer care about me …' You are not only wounding your husband but also speaking death into your relationship.

You readily encourage and compliment your children. Why is it so hard to do the same for your husband? Intentionally see good things in him, appreciate him and be thankful for the ways he adds to your life.

Saying things like, ‘I appreciate you giving me so much attention, I love how you are attentive to me' will give you a much better outcome.

In Summary

Something needs to happen for you to realize the relationship that you desire

Do you want your husband to notice you? Notice him. Inspire him. Motivate him. You will create the husband you want and the relationship you long for.

How to Please Your Man in Bed – A Guide to What Men Actually Want

How to please your man in bed - woman seducing man in bedroom
how to please your man in bed - woman seducing man in bedroom

IN A PERFECT WORLD every woman would know what their man wants in bed. But until then, it is ok to have questions…

  • How can you really satisfy him?
  • What will make him blow his… mind?
  • How can you make him let go and keep from always wanting control?

Spoiler: It’s mostly about your attitude

Many men indicate that they do not enjoy sex because they feel that the women they are with are not equally interested. To discover if this is a problem for you, here are some questions:

  • Do you treat sex with him like a chore that you can’t wait to get over with?
  • Do your sexual encounters have a routine and work as a checklist?
  • Does he see (and hear) any enthusiasm in you?

Your man considers sex a celebration, and he wishes you would enjoy it too.

Do not allow the challenges and pressures of life to push sex to the bottom of your list of priorities.

The ultimate turn on for your guy is seeing you enjoying sex as much as he does. Do not go through the motions, or do it out of obligation, because this is a major turn off. Make your man feel wanted; he has a strong need to be sexually desired by you.

Objectify your man a little, lust after him and let him know how much he turns you on.

After all,

There are immense benefits to sex. For instance, having orgasm releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Oxytocin can bring couples closer together, alleviate stress and reduce blood pressure. Who doesn’t need more of that?

Be spontaneous

You can easily fall into a rut: have sex at the same time, at the same place, all the time. Doing something unexpected will drive your man wild.

Surprise him with a wild move

Once in a while, bowl your man with a wild move. Try something erotic that he will not be able to forget soon.

Be naughty

Now and then, shed the good girl image and hold nothing back. Your man will be excited to see this other side of you. For instance, you can introduce some toys or even a mirror into the session and see yourselves in action.  It will be hot.

how to please your man in bed

Take charge

Your man would like you to dominate him once in a while. Have your own version of Shades. For instance, you can tell your man that he can’t touch, move or talk unless you tell him. If he disobeys, he is to be punished. Boss your man a little bit, telling him what to say and how to touch you. Watch him squirm and keep reminding him that you are in control.

Get rough

Sometimes, your man wants to be primal. He wants it rough, and he would be delighted to know that you want it too. Unleash the beast in him and let him know that you are having the time of your life.

Confidence is key

Confidence is the sexiest thing that you could possess. What ruins sex for many women is the insecurity that they have about their bodies.

However, it is always good to remember that your man is with you because he is attracted to you. You are more attractive to your man when you can take your clothes off than when you tell him to switch off the lights.

Your man is a visual creature, and he gets off on seeing you in all your naked glory. If you are too uncomfortable, you can try soft lighting to help you hide the flaws.

However,

The truth is that in all likelihood, your man doesn’t’ notice your little jiggles or the cellulite that you are so consumed with. He is just thrilled to be there with you naked.

Initiate sex once in a while

Once in a while, initiate the sex. Traditionally men initiate sex, but it gets old when he has to initiate every time. Indeed, it might start to feel like you are not attracted to him; like sex for you is an obligation.

So,

Stick your hand down his pants: whisper in his ear how badly you want him, wake him up with your special caresses. Whichever way you decide to initiate sex, you will make your man happy to show him that you want him too.

You don't have to be so to the point either. Just walking around in sexy underwear or putting a show of your latest dresses/clothes can work.

Remember big smile and it will sound weird but it helps to turn around or be preoccupied with something else so you aren't always looking at him. (2 reasons, one is because when you look at him he will feel as though he has to do something. This is pressure which no one wants around sex. The second one is so he can look at you without feeling obliged. i.e. he's choosing to do it himself)

Explore his fantasies

This is the absolute way to pleasure your man in a way that no other woman can. Find out his kinks and fantasies and explore them with him. What does your man dream about? What does he secretly crave? This can be tricky because he wants to share his fantasies with you, but he probably worries that you will judge or shame him.

You, therefore, have to promise your man that you will be open and accepting of his fantasies without judgment. Indeed, your man also longs to know your sexual imaginations.

So, why don’t you make a game of it?

Write out your fantasies and place them in a box. Next time you are feeling up to it, pull one fantasy out. Now, when the fantasy unfolds, you can jump right into fulfilling it. If you need some time to adjust, ask your man what he really loves about the fantasy. You might just find that the fantasy can be enacted in a different scenario that both of you will enjoy.

You will realize that as you explore your fantasies with your man, he will start to open up more about his imaginations. He will be eternally appreciative to you.

The foreplay

Sex experts say that the build-up to sex can be just as much or even more enjoyable than the sex itself. The anticipation, the suspense, and the passion of what’s to come are exhilarating for your man.

The thigh rub

When you are out during a date, or movie or dinner, stroke his thigh with slow movements, moving up towards his groin. Nothing turns your man on like being teased and at the same time knowing that he cannot make love to you there and then. See him get excited and then leave him longing to take you home and whisk you into the bedroom.

The striptease

The sight of you scantily dressed and moving around provocatively will drive your man mad. Select your sexiest lingerie or the one that he loves. Put on some sensual music that will help you strip tease with ease. Go ahead and mesmerize your man.

Touch him

One male organ may be getting all the attention during sex, but your man has other erogenous zones: the chest, the face, inner thighs, and his earlobes.

The results of a study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicated that men care more about cuddling than actually having sex. The study further found that men require three times more touching to create the same amount of dopamine, the feel-good hormone as compared to women.

As a result, caressing, kissing, cuddling and tenderness are more important to your man than you could ever imagine. Put effort into giving your man full body embraces, soothing strokes and kisses for an incredible bonding with him.

Change positions

Nothing kills your sex life like routine. Unfortunately, sex experts indicate that many couples only ever use two to six sex positions.

If you have been together for some time, your man probably craves something different now and then. It is understandable that you have your favorite positions. However, changing positions for different stimulation nourishes your sex life like nothing else could.

Some positions will enable your man go deeper, while some help him to feel other parts of you more efficiently, which he will really love.

Different sex positions are like spices: they give one dish different tastes

Did you know: According to sex experts, there are more than 245 different sex positions

At the end of the night…

Sex can help many stressors in your relationship, but like everything else, you have to put effort.

Further, you must beware of other issues in your relationship that may affect your love life: unresolved issues, anger, and resentment.

Ensure you quickly solve your problems, and whatever you do, do not use sex as a weapon – this will only cause more damage to your relationship.

Thanks for reading this guide on how to please your man in bed

10 Signs He Wants a Divorce Even When He Says Everything is OK

Signs he wants a divorce - Man and woman on couch not speaking

WHEN YOU THINK YOUR MARRIAGE is in trouble, it's natural to want all the information you can gather

The fact is that there is only one person who can provide you with this information – your husband. Unfortunately, the highest likelihood is that he will not be forthcoming…

He may still be undecided

Your husband may not be talking about divorce because he has genuinely not decided if he is going to leave. There may be times when he is away from you and he is sure that he wants to leave. But when he spends time with you or he sees the children, he changes his mind and wishes things could go well between you.

Also, if your husband really cares about your marriage, he may still want to give your marriage the best chance for survival. Even if you press him for information, what you get may be premature because he also doesn't know what he wants at this point.

10 Signs your husband wants a divorce

All marriages go through phases of doubts, fights, blame, and tension. Just because you are going through a difficult period in your marriage does not mean that your marriage is in trouble.

Some signs of a breaking marriage are obvious while others are subtle. Noticing warning signs is essential in salvaging your marriage or ensuring that you do not get the short end of the stick should your husband go through with the divorce.

1. There is no communication

One of the pillars of a healthy marriage is effective communication. Although lack of communication may have contributed to the deterioration of your relationship, further changes in your husband’s communication patterns may signal that it is truly over.

2. He attacks you instead of the problem

When you discuss the issues in your marriage;

  • Does your husband do it in a way that implies something is wrong with you?
  • Are you always wrong while he is always right?
  • Does he end up attacking your character or personality instead of focusing on the issues?
  • Does he use generalization; ‘you always,’ ‘you never…….’
  • Do you lately feel under attack from your husband anytime you have a serious discussion?

This is could be an indication that your husband is no longer interested in the marriage.

3. Your husband expresses his contempt towards you

You will notice that his comments towards you have changed from affectionate to critical. He will criticize your weight, appearance and everything else in between.

Does your husband mock you, call you names, roll his eyes or becomes hurtfully sarcastic when you bring issues up? Does he attack your self-worth? Your husband is no longer interested in solving issues, an indication that he is no longer interested in this marriage.

4.  Your husband is always on the defensive

Your husband treats every discussion like an attack. He keeps acting like a victim and makes lots of excuses. He will ignore everything you say and counter it with complaints. He will also stonewall and walk out of conversations.

These signs show that your husband is no longer interested in communicating with you and he no longer cares about how your arguments turn out. They also indicate that he thinks that finding a solution is pointless.

This behavior also shows that your husband has stopped caring and he is unwilling to put any more emotional investment in something he no longer believes in.

5. Change of focus

Is your husband spending more time away from home than normal? Has he put more of himself into his work, business, children, friendships or hobbies? Does he seem to care more about his appearance? Has he changed his looks significantly?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, your husband might be working towards a divorce. Also, if your husband has made significant changes in his routine, he could be building a separate social life in preparation for divorce or dating.

6. Your husband has started to move money around

Is your husband transferring money around without informing you? Probably withdrawing from the joint account or having salary deposited into a new account under his name?

Maybe he used to receive bonuses at work but he has not received them for some time, yet you know that he should be receiving them. He is either supporting someone else or anticipating a split.

A sudden change in behavior concerning money could be a sign that your husband wants to leave the marriage. This is especially the case if you have been making your financial decisions together. If his behavior is inconsistent with previous agreements, it is the clearest indication that your relationship is on the rocks.

Divorce never starts without careful financial planning. Your husband’s peculiar interest in financial matters is probably an indication that he is seeing an attorney who is asking him questions that he does not have an answer to.

7. Hidden Assets

One of the most obvious red flags for an impending divorce is your husband hiding assets.

You may notice new bank statements in the mail or realize that old statements are no longer coming. You may also find that you can no longer log into online Accounts. You may realize that your husband is lying about taxes and income.

If you notice suspicious activities of this nature, it could mean that your husband is hiding assets. Likely to protect them from the property division part of the upcoming divorce.

8. Your husband has withdrawn his affection

If your husband has become emotionally distant, this is a strong indication that he has checked out of the marriage.

Although it is common for the frequency of sexual intercourse to fluctuate in the course of a marriage, what is not normal is for a husband to avoid any form of intimacy with you.

If you realize that your husband rebuffs your efforts to be intimate with him, he is probably sharing that intimacy with another person and considering a divorce.

9. Your husband is reluctant to make joint decisions about the future

Is your husband reluctant to discuss the possibility of having another child? Does he no longer want to invest in a new home, even when you have considered it in the past, and you can afford it? What about vacations and plans for the summer? Is he avoiding a discussion about those too?

If your husband has suddenly stopped participating in decisions involving your future together, it is a huge red flag. The reason for your husband’s refusal to commit to the future could be that he doesn’t see you having one together.

10. Your husband withdraws physically

When you first met you were always physically close. There was plenty of sex and it was great. Now he seems withdrawn.

Some men have a hard time being physical with a woman they feel detached from. So him pulling away from sex can be a sign.

So what now..?

Just because your husband is exhibiting these behavior doesn’t mean he is definitely filing for a divorce. It could simply indicate that there is trouble in your relationship and if you act now, you could turn things around before matters get any worse.

If you answered yes to 5 or more of the points above then it's time to take action. It's quite unlikely with this many signs that it is a coincidence.

If you are not sure what the next steps are to recovering your marriage then there are specialists who can help. You can look at going to marriage counseling which is more of a formal step and may help your marriage.

However, if you want to start now and/or you don't think he will agree to any formal solutions then there is another option. There are more ‘DIY' programs that specialists in marriage breakdown have put together. You can see what they have to offer here.