IF YOU USED TO ENJOY making love with your husband… But now it is just something you do for ‘relationship maintenance' to get him off your case then
You are not alone
Low libido is a common problem. According to Dr. Rebecca Amaru, a gynecologist, reduced libido happens in women as young as 30.
A study that was published in the Journal of Impotence indicated that 43% of the women interviewed revealed that they experienced declining or loss of sexual desire by the time they were 40. The study also showed that 36% of the women who were actively having sex indicated that they were not enjoying it.
Here comes the good news, Libido decline or loss is not a permanent condition.
Just as many things can affect your sexual desire: emotional, physical and biological, there are many ways in when you can rectify your sex drive.
5 Ways to Boost Your Libido
1. Practice mindfulness
According to Sherry Rose, MD, women’s sexual desire starts in the brain. Therefore, the daily stresses of children, money, work, and relationships will lead to low libido.
A woman's libido is made up of a complete emotional algorithm. Therefore, if she is confused, tired or overwhelmed, her body will produce more of cortisol (the stress hormone) which consequently decreases the production of testosterone.
Testosterone is a critical component of your sexual desire. Even if you don't have as much testosterone as your husband, you must have enough of it to stimulate sexual desire in your body. Testosterone also initiates blood flow that causes your vagina to become sensitive and more likely to orgasm.
Confirming this theory is the Director of the Woman's Health Clinic at the Mayo Clinic, Dr. Stephene S. Faubian. According to her, the balance of brain chemicals is what mainly influences a woman's libido. Dopamine and norepinephrine increase your sexual desire, while testosterone, opioids, and serotonin inhibit your desire
Did you know: Research shows that even when a woman's body is turned on, she won't recognize it if she is not emotionally open to the idea of making love.
The importance of mindfulness
Sex therapists indicate that mindfulness exercises like meditation, focused breathing, and yoga help to alter the balance of the brain chemicals in a good way. Mindfulness reduces stress hormones which have been proven to cause low libido. A study that was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicated that women who suffered from sexual dysfunction significantly boosted their sexual responsiveness once they were trained in mindfulness.
Another research that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine indicated that women who practiced an hour of yoga each day increased their average scores on sexual desire, lubrication, arousal, orgasms, and overall sexual fulfillment.
2. Solve your marital issues promptly
Marital experts indicate that for many women, low sex drive is intimately linked to their romantic relationships. If a woman is feeling neglected, taken for granted, or is angry with her husband, her sexual desire will be eaten away.
According to Professor Virginia Sadock, a renowned sex therapist at NYU, many women are scared to admit that their relationship is the cause of their desire issues. They are afraid that this admission would mean that their marriage is in trouble.
However, Sadock indicates that the marital issues that affect a woman’s libido are not the divorce level problems but rather a compilation of small and very fixable issues that pile up over time.
The therapist says that many women are simply too overloaded: too many responsibilities, too much work, too little help and inadequate acknowledgment from their partners:
- Identify whether there are any issues about your marriage that are bothering you and possibly affecting your sexual drive
- Next, talk to your husband – but not in an accusatory way. Avoid phrases like: ‘You make feel horrible when…….., you turn me off when….’
- Assure your husband that you find him attractive and you are interested in rekindling your sex life.
- Let your husband know how much his affection matters to you and how much his appreciation for the things that you do for the family makes you feel valued and sexy.
- Inform your husband that you need to feel that he appreciates and cares for you all the time; not only when he wants sex
- Ensure that you and your husband regularly spend some time together to keep strengthening your bond
You may wonder what exercise has to do with sex, but remember, blood flows to your genitals the same way it flows to your heart. Exercise increases blood flow, boosts your hormones and endorphins: testosterone, adrenaline, serotonin, and boosts your feel-good neurotransmitters. All these processes go a long way to increase your libido.
Exercise will also help you to lose weight, which decreases abdominal fat, increases muscle tone, boosts stamina- creating better and stronger orgasms.
Question is: what is holding your back from exercising?
A great way to start an excercise routine is to make it stupidly simple and consistent. For example, put on your gym clothes everyday. It sounds too simple and easy to work right?
But after a few days you will be ‘someone who wears their gym clothes' and it would seem silly not to do some form of exercise… This technique builds your identity as ‘someone who exercises', which is a very large part of the battle that goes unnoticed by many people.
4. Load up on aphrodisiac foods
Cultures around the world have used some herbs and foods as aphrodisiacs for centuries.
Some aphrodisiacs stimulate the nerves in your genitals; others increase the level of nitric oxide, which increases your blood flow to your vagina; while others increase the feel-good chemicals in your brain.
Some of the foods and herbs that are used as aphrodisiacs include:
- Chinese ginseng
- Dark Chocolate
- Pine nuts
5. Keep things new and fresh
Routine has its place in a relationship, but new sexual experiences will increase your libido. Science indicates that new experiences help your hypothalamus to increase dopamine in anticipation of an incredible outcome. Dopamine has a significant effect on your sexual desire. The more the dopamine is injected into your brain, the more your sexual desire will rise.
So, how do you get the dopamine surge?
Try new things with your husband: exploring new places and trying new activities together will increase the amount of dopamine in your brain. Remember, the new experiences do not have to be extravagant:
- Explore a new park
- Try a new hiking trail
- Sample a new restaurant
These are accessible experiences that are not only affordable but deeply rewarding.
Try a new sex position
Trying new sex positions may be just what you need to increase your libido. You may even find a new favorite position that will enhance your sexual experience in ways that you have never imagined.
Did you know: There are more than 240 sex positions.
Try as many positions as you can. The process will not just be fun for you and your husband, but you will greatly enhance your bond.
At the end of the night
A healthy libido is worth every effort: the payoff extends far beyond the bedroom.
Improving your sexual desire has a massive impact on your physical wellbeing: decreased blood pressure, and a healthy immune system.
Improving your sexual desire will also boost your emotional wellbeing: a sense of intimacy and belonging. Besides, a vibrant sexual life will enhance the emotional connection with your husband. Increasing your libido may take a little bit of effort, but it is deeply gratifying.