IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE to save your marriage when your husband has clearly indicated that he wants out?
Should you give up and accept that your marriage is over?
The answer is that it is never too late to save your marriage.
You might simply be at the turning point in your marriage. You might have hit rock bottom.
Sometimes, it is not until things couldn’t get any worse that they start to get better.
Why do spouses give up on marriage?
After some time in the marriage, a spouse may become disillusioned.
They may feel that many of their expectations have been unmet and they start mourning their pre-marriage life.
If this is the case, then he thinks that leaving the relationship feels like the key to finding happiness once again. As a result, he will be unwilling to engage in any conversation about staying married.
Because he thinks that being married is what is making him unhappy.
Some spouses feel that they have lost the love they once had and the only solution is to bail out.
The truth is…
However, experts indicate that every healthy relationship goes through various stages.
ALL relationships will lose the original passion at some stage. As life creeps in, responsibilities and the pressures of security get in the way of the both of you. He might feel that the intimacy and sex have suffered as a result.
Why you shouldn’t give up on your marriage even when your spouse has bailed out
You can go it alone and save your marriage.
Many wives think that they need their husbands to work with them to fix their marriage. The reality is that you can single-handedly change the momentum of your relationship.
Your determination may be just what will motivate your obstinate husband to join in the process of saving your marriage.
1. It is the right thing to do
You owe it to yourself to give saving your marriage your best shot.
You always have the option to call it quits, but once you give up, that’s it. There are no more chances.
If you did ever end your marriage, you don’t want to have the slightest doubt about what might have happened if you had tried harder. If you have to end it, you want to know without any shred of doubt that you did everything you could to save your marriage.
2. You are not alone
Another reason why you should not give up on your marriage is that according to research, more than 32 million individuals are struggling in their marriages this very minute.
Many times, it might feel as if all other marriages are flourishing and only yours is ailing. Many other people are facing extreme challenges in their marriages, and they are working day and night to make it work.
And do you know what, some of these people will find a way out. If you hang in there, you could be among the people who save their marriages from the verge of breakup.
3. It IS NOT wasted effort
Working on your broken marriage is a good investment for the rest of your life, whether your marriage succeeds or not.
It is a fantastic pay off if you turn your marriage around, but even if you don’t, it will not be wasted effort. Indeed it will be the most important thing you will have done for yourself and your next relationship.
If you do not get complete closure in your marriage, relationships are going to be a revolving door for you. Soon, you will find yourself in the same situation you are with your husband with someone else.
Work on your marriage with every intention of restoring it, but, even if you don’t succeed, the effort will not have been in vain.
4 Tips on how to save your marriage when you are the only one trying
1. Agree with your husband
Your husband wants to walk away because this marriage makes him miserable. Do not try to convince him to stay.
Agree with him: that you also no longer want the marriage you have had, mainly because he is unhappy and you would never want that for him. Agree that this marriage should be over.
Let your husband know you want to consider a new relationship with him.
This will allow you to get on the same page with your husband. It will no longer be you vs. him. He will feel like you have listened to him, and you understand how he feels.
This in itself will go some way to rekindling the connection with you. You might even ignite a marriage saving conversation.
The worst mistake you can make right now is to cling and beg your husband to stay
All the emotions you are feeling right now are powerful and authentic. But they serve no purpose in helping you save your marriage.
Pleading, clinging and begging will only drive your husband away faster.
Also, when you fall apart, you will be very unattractive to your husband.
When he sees that the situation he is putting you in is making you upset/angry/unhappy he will want to put an end to it. And the fast way for him to do that is to leave himself.
2. Get to work on yourself
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
Whatever your age, make yourself as physically attractive to your husband as you can. He was physically attracted to you once: he can be attracted to you again.
You cannot go back to looking like the age you did when you met your husband, but you can be the best that you can be at your age.
Your husband doesn't want a supermodel. He just wants you to try your best for him. It shows him that you still care.
Also, stimulate your mind by learning new things: join a book club, take a class, read magazines that expand your mind, take a new hobby.
When you get an opportunity to talk with your husband, engage him in something interesting and fun rather than talking about your marital issues.
Talking about the problems in your relationship at this point will only lead to arguments and make things much worse.
3. Be as understanding and accepting of your husband as you can be
You don’t have to accept your husband’s decision, but you can accept his feelings. Do not question or judge his feelings.
When he feels that you understand him, he will be assured that you truly love him. Listen to your husband, show empathy, and you will pique his interest once again.
4. Be willing to forgive
You are frustrated and probably resent your husband. You feel he has rejected you by checking out of your marriage.
However, you cannot hope to rebuild a healthy relationship with him if you hold anger and bitterness towards him. You must accept that he is probably doing the best that he can with the skills that he has. He isn’t out to hurt you.
The process of saving your marriage will only work if you love your husband enough to forgive him. Forgiving your husband will empower you to do whatever it takes to change the course of his intentions.
Where to go from here…?
In the face of a marital crisis, someone has to be the brave one, and that person is you.
Saving your marriage is a noble task. Give it your all and do not lose hope. Your marriage can not only survive this disruption, but you can also use this crisis as a springboard towards real transformation.
Many marriages have risen from the verge of divorce to thrive once again. This can be your testimony if you handle this setback the right way.
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