“My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage… What Do I Do?”

husband is giving up on our marriage - wife tossing up whether to wear wedding ring

My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage - wife tossing up whether to wear wedding ring

IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE to save your marriage when your husband has clearly indicated that he wants out?

Should you give up and accept that your marriage is over?

The answer is that it is never too late to save your marriage.

You might simply be at the turning point in your marriage. You might have hit rock bottom.

Sometimes, it is not until things couldn’t get any worse that they start to get better.

Why do spouses give up on marriage?

Reason #1

After some time in the marriage, a spouse may become disillusioned.

They may feel that many of their expectations have been unmet and they start mourning their pre-marriage life.

If this is the case, then he thinks that leaving the relationship feels like the key to finding happiness once again. As a result, he will be unwilling to engage in any conversation about staying married.

Because he thinks that being married is what is making him unhappy.

Reason #2

Some spouses feel that they have lost the love they once had and the only solution is to bail out.

The truth is…

However, experts indicate that every healthy relationship goes through various stages.

ALL relationships will lose the original passion at some stage.  As life creeps in, responsibilities and the pressures of security get in the way of the both of you. He might feel that the intimacy and sex have suffered as a result.

My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage - wife at counselling trying while husband has given up

Why you shouldn’t give up on your marriage even when your spouse has bailed out

You can go it alone and save your marriage.

Many wives think that they need their husbands to work with them to fix their marriage. The reality is that you can single-handedly change the momentum of your relationship.

Your determination may be just what will motivate your obstinate husband to join in the process of saving your marriage.

1. It is the right thing to do

You owe it to yourself to give saving your marriage your best shot.

You always have the option to call it quits, but once you give up, that’s it. There are no more chances.

If you did ever end your marriage, you don’t want to have the slightest doubt about what might have happened if you had tried harder. If you have to end it, you want to know without any shred of doubt that you did everything you could to save your marriage.

2. You are not alone

Another reason why you should not give up on your marriage is that according to research, more than 32 million individuals are struggling in their marriages this very minute.

Many times, it might feel as if all other marriages are flourishing and only yours is ailing. Many other people are facing extreme challenges in their marriages, and they are working day and night to make it work.

And do you know what, some of these people will find a way out. If you hang in there, you could be among the people who save their marriages from the verge of breakup.

3. It IS NOT wasted effort

Working on your broken marriage is a good investment for the rest of your life, whether your marriage succeeds or not.

It is a fantastic pay off if you turn your marriage around, but even if you don’t, it will not be wasted effort. Indeed it will be the most important thing you will have done for yourself and your next relationship.

If you do not get complete closure in your marriage, relationships are going to be a revolving door for you. Soon, you will find yourself in the same situation you are with your husband with someone else.

Work on your marriage with every intention of restoring it, but, even if you don’t succeed, the effort will not have been in vain.

4 Tips on how to save your marriage when you are the only one trying

1. Agree with your husband

Your husband wants to walk away because this marriage makes him miserable. Do not try to convince him to stay.

Instead,

Agree with him: that you also no longer want the marriage you have had, mainly because he is unhappy and you would never want that for him. Agree that this marriage should be over.

Then,

Let your husband know you want to consider a new relationship with him.

This will allow you to get on the same page with your husband. It will no longer be you vs. him. He will feel like you have listened to him, and you understand how he feels.

This in itself will go some way to rekindling the connection with you. You might even ignite a marriage saving conversation.

The worst mistake you can make right now is to cling and beg your husband to stay

All the emotions you are feeling right now are powerful and authentic. But they serve no purpose in helping you save your marriage.

Pleading, clinging and begging will only drive your husband away faster.

Also, when you fall apart, you will be very unattractive to your husband.

When he sees that the situation he is putting you in is making you upset/angry/unhappy he will want to put an end to it. And the fast way for him to do that is to leave himself.

2. Get to work on yourself

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

Whatever your age, make yourself as physically attractive to your husband as you can. He was physically attracted to you once: he can be attracted to you again.

You cannot go back to looking like the age you did when you met your husband, but you can be the best that you can be at your age.

Your husband doesn't want a supermodel. He just wants you to try your best for him. It shows him that you still care.

Also, stimulate your mind by learning new things: join a book club, take a class, read magazines that expand your mind, take a new hobby.

When you get an opportunity to talk with your husband, engage him in something interesting and fun rather than talking about your marital issues.

Talking about the problems in your relationship at this point will only lead to arguments and make things much worse.

3. Be as understanding and accepting of your husband as you can be

You don’t have to accept your husband’s decision, but you can accept his feelings. Do not question or judge his feelings.

When he feels that you understand him, he will be assured that you truly love him. Listen to your husband, show empathy, and you will pique his interest once again.

4. Be willing to forgive

You are frustrated and probably resent your husband. You feel he has rejected you by checking out of your marriage.

However, you cannot hope to rebuild a healthy relationship with him if you hold anger and bitterness towards him. You must accept that he is probably doing the best that he can with the skills that he has. He isn’t out to hurt you.

The process of saving your marriage will only work if you love your husband enough to forgive him. Forgiving your husband will empower you to do whatever it takes to change the course of his intentions.

Where to go from here…?

In the face of a marital crisis, someone has to be the brave one, and that person is you.

Saving your marriage is a noble task. Give it your all and do not lose hope. Your marriage can not only survive this disruption, but you can also use this crisis as a springboard towards real transformation.

Many marriages have risen from the verge of divorce to thrive once again. This can be your testimony if you handle this setback the right way.

 

Thanks for reading this guide on ‘My husband is giving up on our marriage'. I hope it has answered some questions for you. For more information, join the Manage Your Man mailing list.

The 10 Best Books About Love And Relationships to Help You Understand Your Man

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

IT'S FUNNY HOW AS MEN we expect our partners to know…

    • What we're thinking
    • How we're feeling
      and
    • What our expectations are

But for some reason… we don't tell our partners

Here to reveal what actually makes us tick are the 10 insightful books below

They'll to turn you from ‘Nun-level-man-knowledge' into a ‘Man-psychic'

Although when you get there, I wouldn't start explaining to your husband what he's going to do next…

Enjoy

1. His Secret Obsession – James Bauer

Discover his single most important drive in life

His Secret Obsession - Digital copies only available

What is the missing ingredient in your marriage? Do you suffer from a lack of communication, romance, or sex?

While all of these issues are very important, James Bauer's breakthrough book, ‘His Secret Obsession‘ reveals the one amazing factor that WILL make a MAJOR difference in your relationship.

If you are tired of your man being cold and standoffish, then this is the one book you need to read! Learn:

  • What men secretly want but will never tell you
  • How to enjoy a deeper more loving relationship
  • How you can get his attention the right way by using some simple conversation starters

Read my in-depth review here or go straight to the website

2. Text the Romance Back – Michael Fiore

How to really capture his attention…

Text the Romance Back - Michael Fiore

Does it seem like you and your significant other have watched the romance in your relationship slowly slip away?

Michael Fiore will show you how to put modern technology to work for you. He explains how texting lends itself to recreating that connected feeling and how you can Text the Romance” back into your relationship.

Discover:

  • Why the way couples communicate makes it the main reason so many marriages fall apart
  • The 8 different types of text messages that he has no choice but to listen to
  • Done-for-you messages that you can send within 5 minutes of receiving your copy of ‘Text the Romance Back

Read a more in-depth review here or get your copy here

3. Devotion System – Amy North

Get your man to recommit….

The Devotion System - Amy North

There's nothing more demoralizing than being in a relationship in which your partner decides he isn't sure what he wants

If you are tired of feeling like your man is waiting to see what the wind might blow in then “The Devotion System” is just what you need

Learn;

  • Why men pull away
  • How to put texting to work to draw him in
  • How to get your man to dream about spending the rest of his life with you

This book is easy to follow and comes with several bonuses. Grab your copy here and rediscover how to keep him devoted to you

There's also a detailed review here.

4. For Women Only- Shaunti Feldhahn

A Christian guide to understanding men

Most men keep their feelings close to their chest. And while he might not want to talk about them, he still wants you to “get” him

In “For Women Only“, best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn explains men from a Christian viewpoint in a way that's easy to follow and simple to understand.

This book is filled with practical ideas that have helped millions around the world make successful changes to their relationship. Including;

• Why your respect means more to him than your love
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical
• What he most wishes he could say to you

What are you waiting for? Get your copy and read other reviews here

5. The Male Brain – Louann Brezindine

A scientific look at the male brain

Ever wondered why boys can't sit still and why their interest in the physical side of sex is so strong?

In this breakthrough follow-up to her best-selling book “The Female Brain,” author Louann Brezindine uses easy to understand anecdotes to decode the male mind.

In doing so, she turns scientific gobbledygook into an enjoyable read. Learn:

  • How hormones affect men as they reach puberty
  • The cutting-edge research that overturns everything you thought you knew about the male brain
  • The typical male stereotypes that don't exist anymore

This book is a bit broader than the others, so if you're into a more holistic approach to the subject of men get your copy here

6. What We Guys Really Want, Really – Bryan Bruce

How to make him happy…

In his ‘ultimate guide to the male psychology and sexual behavior', Bryan Bruce delves the reader deep into the male psyche

And the outcome is that it's not as complex as many women think it is. In fact in this book you will learn:

  • The truth behind why men cheat
  • Why they are afraid of committing
  • How men reveal their real selves just by their actions

Based on scientific research, useful and loaded with good advice this book is definitely a primer for those who want to keep their man

The only caveat is that it does make men look a little simple in places. But if you want to keep it simple, then he will thank you for reading this (in his own way that you'll only understand by reading this).

Get your copy here.

7. Texts So Good He Can't Ignore – Bruce Bryans

Texts so good he'll be begging to see you….

Everyone says texting has no feeling, yet in “Texts So Good He Can't Ignore You,” Bruce Bryans teaches you how to use a mans emotions to capture his attention.

He shows you how to make your texts to men stand out from those ones you usually send about picking up some more milk. Learn:

  • How men appraise the texts sent by a woman
  • How to flirt and tease your way to becoming his number one priority
  • Sample texts you can copy and send to get instant results

Bruce will show you how your texts can make him pursue you again like he used to.

When you're ready to make the most out of every text, then your copy for ‘Texts So Good He Can't Ignore' is here

8. The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want in A Woman – Bruce Bryans

Learn what it takes to get a man to commit

In his concise book, Bruce Bryans talks about what a “high-quality” man wants in his mate.

To do this, Bruce shows you how to understand what your man is interested. He also covers plenty of other topics including:

  • Learn what it takes to get a man to commit
  • How to keep your man happy
  • What real men find attractive

This book is more opinion than fact and is written primarily for single women, but has enough advice for relationships to be relevant here.

Want to know what the 7 qualities are? Find out here.

9. He Comes Next – Ian Kenner PhD

The thinking woman's guide to pleasuring a man….

In this follow up to his smash hit bestseller “She Comes First,” author Ian Kenner discusses what it takes to turn a man on and keep him turned on

Included is how to get your man to relax and enjoy a full range of stimulation rather than focusing on his erection (or lack thereof) and orgasm (or lack thereof)

Ian goes step-by-step with clear, concise details for every technique he discusses in the book with the goal of teaching you how to give your man the ultimate in sexual pleasure. He also covers:

  • What he wants to tell you about pleasing him, but can't
  • The inside of a man's mind when he is aroused
  • How love and sex are interconnected for men

This book has had some mixed reviews, but overall the information is good. Get your copy and start pleasing him how he wants to be pleased here.

10. Secret Survey – Michael Fiore

The ultimate guide to understanding men….

Secret Survey - Michael Fiore

Secret Survey by Michael Fiore is the perfect program for any woman who has ever felt lost, confused, even overwhelmed when trying to deal with men

It is a step-by-step, full-length guide to relationships and what you should be doing to make a long-term relationship work

Written for women, this guide is designed to help you better understand the male psyche and to put this knowledge to work for you. Included is:

  • Why you've been lied to by every man you've ever met and what they've lied about
  • What your husband actually thinks about you
  • How to interpret ‘men speak' and the real reason why men are so difficult to understand

Very easy to follow and understand this book covers a lot of questions about the man and men in your life. Get your copy here.

In Summary

Thanks for reading my best books about love and relationships recommendations. They are worth reading and I do keep this list updated. If you have anything to add, you can contact me here.

Which is the Best Bedroom Toy For You? Answer These Yes/No QUIZ Questions to Discover Your Preference

Best Bedroom Toys - Woman in bed alone with vibrator

Best Bedroom Toys - Woman in bed alone with vibrator

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND when you think of bedroom toys?

Some women are quite casual about them. While others put theirs in the back of a drawer only call on it when needed… (And never to be seen by hubby)

No matter where you sit on this scale, there is plenty of discreetly-shipped choices available to you

And to make your next choice the right one, I've put together 5 sets of Yes/No quiz questions. Answer YES to at least 2 of them and then discover what toys suit you and your situation… Enjoy

Are You a Discreet User?

  • Is your husband uncomfortable with you using a bedroom toy?
  • Do you only like to please yourself in private?
  • Do you need something that is small enough you could carry with you?

If you answered yes to these questions then you are a discreet bedroom toy user

You don't want to be defined by it or identified with it, but you want something that will get you ‘cover your mouth excited'…

And comes in a very discreet box that no one will know what's in it

There is a version of a small toy known as a ‘bullet' that is discreet for when you've got some precious alone time. They are small and quiet so you can even use them when hubby is snoring and you're awake.

The Umania Bullet – small and compact

The Umania Bullet

This bullet is small but has an incredibly powerful vibration. And with a simple one button that leaves you in full control of the 10-speed modes

Because it's only 3-inches in length, it is easy to hide and store. It's short size also means it can be used in different positions for stimulating different zones

This bullet is made with ABS it's easy to clean, and users say that it's quiet which doesn't wake anyone up, and lets you focus on what you're trying to focus on

Your husband, the neighbors and anyone in the room next door will be none the wiser

The perfect compliment to some precious alone time, click or touch this link to find out more

Are You a Too Busy for Long Sessions?

  • Do you ever feel the need for ‘the release' but are too tired at the end of a long day?
  • Is ‘me' time ever on your todo list?
  • Do you sometimes want to fit one in but aren't sure you have the time?

If only you could tell your libido that you've got responsibilities, places to be and important things to do…

But where would be the fun in that?

Instead, to crush that craving you need something that can give you the release that you are after, in a timely and effective manner. (Your boss would be proud)

Because in your case the build-up can last a lot longer than the main act, you also need something you can rely on…

So without further ado let me introduce you to the solution of your dreams… (Apart from your husband of course)

He's;

  • 6.3 inches long
  • Can stimulate you all over your body
  • Doesn't smell or leave a mess
  • Is whisper quiet
  • And can take you from Zero to ‘O' in 2 minutes flat…?

He also doesn't snore and fits in the bottom drawer after you have finished with him

Orlena ‘Suction' Vibrator

Orlena ‘Suction' Vibrator

When you want to feel your toes curl but you're too tight for time or exhausted to move then the Orlena ‘Sucking' Vibrator is up for the challenge

The Orlena's reputation for speed is due to its special suction vacuum technology, which is touch-free and works at 5 different intensities

When placed on the finger it doesn't feel like much but gives an intense feeling of suction, that when put on the right place will take you straight to ‘riding the wave'

It also works as a more standard vibrator with 8 different powerful vibration modes

It's easy to clean and waterproof so you can even use it in the bath… not that you ever get time for baths…

So Mrs Busy, it's finally time to set up a meeting between you and your new best friend. Find him here along with discreet delivery options

Are You a Novice User?

  • Would you consider yourself a novice when it comes to exploring yourself?
  • Is masturbation a subject that you don't really want to know too much about…?
  • Do you shy away from sharing about personal topics with your friends?
  • Do you think about you and your vagina as two separate entities…?

You were probably one of those girls that really paid attention at school… So it's unfortunate that they don't really discuss this subject there

You may also think that it's unfortunate that your libido isn't going to magically go away either… But it's going to be a happy time learning to live with it

For anyone, (but particularly someone who is a self-confessed novice) your first buy should be a straight out vibrator. Nothing flash, something that you can use, get comfortable with and get a feel for easily

Look for something that can give you stimulation on the clitoris as well as traditional penetration and rubbing of the G-spot. Other important points include something that is easy to clean, and quiet (so you can focus on whatever you want to focus on without disruption.)

G Spot Rabbit Vibrator
G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

Option 1: PALOQUETH G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

This vibrator covers most bases and will have your heart racing in no time…

The main reason I feel this is a great choice for novices is that the rabbit (the bit with what looks like two ears) is for direct clitoral stimulation, which is a very common and simple way to climax

As well as that, all the standard features apply here:

  • It's whisper quiet
  • 9 vibration modes
  • Easy to use
  • Easy to clean
  • Waterproof

And the angle of the shaft is ergonomically designed to hit your pleasure zone… over and over and over again

It also comes delivered in a very discreet box so not even the delivery man will know what's inside

To book your next special meeting with this special toy click or tap here

Option 2: Don't want another vibrator?

If you are a little more adventurous, you can start playing around with another erogenous zone.

This can add more pleasure and fun if you already have a trusty vibrator and you are a little curious to try something else.

If you are up for it you can try an anal trainer kit. The are four phalluses that come in different sizes so you can see where you belong and are easy to clean

My advice is to buy extra lube, only a sachet comes with the box

Are You Looking to Use Your Toy With a Partner?

  • Are you looking to help bring the ‘magic' back?
  • Is your intimacy time too ‘comfortable?'
  • Does your partner enjoy watching and/or using your bedroom toy?

Men are very visual creatures, so there's no better way to get his attention than to let him watch you

And after you have his attention, the right sex toy can help you encourage some participation…

You only need to make sure that the game is staged so that both parties are getting what they want

As a man, I can tell you that he will want to feel as though he is the one giving you the pleasure that you love, and not so much the toy

So if you are comfortable with giving him complete control, you can start off with something like this…

Thigh Cuffs


Option 1: Rachel's Pleasure Thigh Cuffs

Show him how vulnerable you are without his help with these thigh cuffs

They simply cuff your hands to your thighs which leaves you helpless and in quite a compromising position. (It won't take too long before he figures it out…)

Reasonably priced, well made and the thigh cuffs leave you in an easy position to hold (you don't have to be a yoga queen)

It's also a position that he will like and won't be able to resist

Get your set of these and bring the excitement back to your alone time. See delivery options here.

The only downside to these is that the one size fits all is kind of small. More voluptuous girls may want to try this instead

Option 2: Wearable Bluetooth Vibrator

If you really want to put him in charge, then this little gizmo is for you

All you need to do is put it on, give him the control and let him start the fun

Wearable Bluetooth Vibrator

This can work in the bedroom, around the house, or if you are really adventurous when you are both out in public

You'll enjoy the sensation and he will enjoy having control and giving you what you want

The 32-foot range means you won't know when it's coming and the 9 speeds will keep you guessing… until you get home

The sound is just under 40dB so it's not library quiet but subtle enough for dinner at a restaurant or a night on the town

Discover what the two of you can get away with when you put your naughty minds together. The wearable Bluetooth vibrator is here when you are ready for it

Are You Looking for More Than a Toy?

  • Do you own a drawer full of bedroom toys?
  • Does your interest extend beyond vibrators?
  • Are you looking for a new experience?

One of the most fun things to do is introduce new ways for you and your partner to enjoy each other

It can be hard, (no pun intended) but introducing new things is one way you can get a bit of that spark and passion back that you had when you first met

And if you have used toys to the point where they all seem the same then the good news is that there are other ways to spice things up…

Sex Swing

2nd Generation Sex Swing

If you are looking for a new thrill then this heavy duty, 2nd generation sex swing will help you reach new positions, angles, and spots that you never thought possible

Built around a steel frame and rated to 600lbs, there is now no excuse for slowing down

At first glance, it does look a little awkward. However, reviewers say that once you're set up an in a position the padding on the straps make it pretty comfortable and easy to relax

Great for those of us whose body can't catch up to our imaginations

2-year warranty on parts and available in a few colors, it will take some setting up but if you're looking for a new experience then this should get hubby's seal of approval. Here is everything you need to start that new experience

After it's all over

I hope that you have found something that suits your lifestyle. Thanks for reading this article on finding the best bedroom toys for yourself. If you have any questions, contact me here.

“Does Marriage Counseling Work For Marriages Like Mine?”

Does Marriage Counseling Work for Marriages Like Mine - Marriage Counselor

Does Marriage Counseling Work for Marriages Like Mine - Marriage Counselor

MARRIAGE COUNSELORS AREN'T SUPERHEROES…

They have a very specific set of talents or specialities, and unlike superheroes, they cannot make anyone do anything

Even if it's good for them

So when you walk into their office in order for them to fix your marriage… they may not be able to help you

When you should see a marriage counselor

Marriage counseling aims to help to identify the problems, resolve the conflicts and heal their partnership

When you participate, the counselor or therapist is doing their best to empower you to make thoughtful decisions about mending and strengthening your relationship

At the same time helping you achieve a deeper understanding of each other and encouraging a more fulfilling marriage

Some of the signs that your marriage needs relationship counseling include:

  • You hardly speak to each other
    • Poor communication is a significant setback in marriage. If you cannot freely share your thoughts, ideas, and experiences with your spouse, this is a prominent sign for the need of couples counseling
  • You feel intimidated by your spouse
    • If you are scared of speaking with your spouse or you are hesitant to bring up some issues, it means that your marriage is troubled. Counseling will help you to develop the confidence to speak freely with your spouse
  • You keep secrets from each other
    • Even though each partner has the right to privacy, there needs to be transparency in your marriage for it to thrive
  • You restrict love and affection to punish each other
    • If one of you gets angry and stops loving, caring and talking to the other partner to punish them, this shows that your relationship is already strained.
  • One or both of you are financially unfaithful
    • If you and your spouse are withholding vital information about your finances: loans, expenses, savings, you will eventually destroy your marriage. Financial dishonesty shows that something is missing in the relationship which counseling can help
  • Your marriage lacks intimacy
    • When you are no longer intimate with your partner, it signals that something is wrong. This may point that you need a qualified person to help sort out what is missing in your relationship.
  • An affair has infiltrated your marriage
    • Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it calls for a lot of work. With commitment and willingness, a counselor can help you salvage your marriage.
  • When you do not know how to solve your differences
    • If your discussions are always laced with a negative tone, and they always end up in fights, this is the perfect time to get a third party involved.

If you are stuck in marital discord, be honest and acknowledge that you need help.

When seeing a Marriage Counselor may not help

Marriage counseling isn't for everyone or every situation. Here are some reasons to try something else instead

  • When your husband doesn't want to talk about your marriage
  • If money is tight
    • Counseling can be expensive and it can add to the stress in your marriage
  • The counselor doesn't seem to help
    • Not all counselors are equal. Some aren't the right fit for your marriage. The good news here is that there are usually a few around and you can try someone else instead
  • If you don't believe counseling works
    • Counseling does help marriages. But if you don't think it will work from the start, then it will only be something to blame, it could actually make things worse. You will need to deal with this first, or use books instead.

Why you should seek counseling

All couples desire to have a healthy, fulfilling family life, but at times this goal can be challenging to achieve. Once in a while, you and your spouse may need to seek marriage counseling so that you can begin living the life you have always dreamed of.

If you feel that your relationship is not going in the intended direction, it is important that you take a step back and talk to someone that can help you work through the challenges.

Counseling has been proven to have immense benefits:

  • The couple gets impartial advice.
    • Having dealt with a wide range of marital issues, the counselor can offer practical tips on how to work on the various problem areas of a marriage
  • Counseling provides a safe environment for honesty.
    • When there is marital discord, the homes become the battleground for marriage. At that point, honesty can inflict pain and anger if it is not delivered in the appropriate setting. Counseling offers a safe environment free from judgment.
  • Counseling provides an opportunity to unburden resentment and frustration
    • These are some of the toxic emotions that poison every aspect of your relationship. A good therapist helps couples to pour out their anger so that they can solve their issues effectively.
  • Counseling helps couples to explore their problems from a new perspective and learn practical ways to resolve conflicts.
  • Therapy assists couples with the tools to build trust and improve communication in their relationship.

Seeking professional intervention for your marriage is prudent. Confronting the issues in your marriage now will save it from destruction in the future.

Research indicates that a couple who splits up will be financially worse off, and their children are more likely to have academic and behavioral problems in the future.

When to go for therapy  

When it comes to seeking marriage therapy, timing is everything. Many couples wait until the problems in the marriages have become too severe before they can seek for help.

Consider this:

Your precious vase can quickly be fixed with a little bonding material when the crack is two inches. The bonding material can be discretely applied on the inside, and it may not even be visible from the outside. But, what happens when you wait until your vase has 12 cracks running in all directions?

Many times, therapy fails because couples go to therapy when things are so bad; they have one foot and several toes out of the door. Indeed, some couples only go to therapy to confirm that they have done all they can to fix their marriage. They only want to justify the decision to leave their marriage.

According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait for an average of six years of being miserable in their marriage before they seek help. He concludes that therapy could help to save more marriages if couples sought therapy before their relationships were in critical condition.

Sometimes the issues in a marriage could be too ingrained for the therapy to be effective. Timing is an essential element that will determine whether counseling will work or not.

To optimize the outcome of therapy

To get the most out of marriage counseling you and your spouse need to have the right attitude and goals. You should set specific goals to help you individually contribute to the success of the therapy.

Also:

Be open about your emotions

The most common source of marital discord is when spouses do not disclose how their partner’s actions make them feel. Couples need to understand that a huge part of the process is to talk openly about their emotions, which will be both difficult and uncomfortable

Find the right counselor

Research shows that in the hands of a good counselor, marriage therapy is effective 70 – 80% of the time. Ensure your counselor has the right credentials. All therapists must be licensed to practice therapy. This will vary from country to country.

However, experts recommend working with someone who specializes in marriage counseling- at least 30% of their practice should be on marriage therapy. They have seen and heard it all, and they will roll up their sleeves and help you.

The cost of marriage counseling

The cost of marital counseling will depend on the professional you decide to work with. Refer to the table below to find out how much your preferred professional is likely to cost you:

Mental Health Professional Background Cost Per Session
Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) Holds at least a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy $65 – $250
Licensed professional counselor / nationally certified counselor (LPC / NIC) Holds at least a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology or Social Work $5 – $300
Psychologist (PsyP) Holds a doctorate degree in psychology $75 – $156 per session, sometimes $200

In Summary…

It seems as if people are generally living in unsatisfying marriages. This doesn’t have to happen to yours.

Your marriage doesn’t have to be unfulfilling, mediocre or common. However, it takes a great deal of commitment and determination from both you and your spouse to maintain a rewarding relationship.

If you feel that you are struggling to maintain the connection you once had with your spouse, do not hesitate to seek marriage therapy.

A good therapist will assist you to compromise, appreciate one another and rediscover the compassion and empathy that the two of you share.  

And if you don't think marriage therapy is a good fit, then try reading what experts have to say, so you can apply that to your marriage

How To Save A Marriage When Only One is Trying – Quiz & 7 Expert Recommendations

How to Save a Marriage When Only One is Trying - Woman Looking Sad With Husband

How to Save a Marriage When Only One is Trying - Woman Looking Sad With Husband

TO PREPARE US FOR the workforce we have school, tertiary education, training, professional on-going development, and even mentorships

But when it comes to marriage, there isn't really any formal preparation… apart from some trial and error, and advice from our peers

So when things go bad or even just change, we often don't know what to do

And find ourselves in these loops that just go around and around and get nowhere

Expert advice can help break the loop and change your marriage for the better

But what do you do when you can't get your partner to agree to see a marriage counselor?

The good news is that you can take the fate of your marriage into your own hands…

Books and programs from experts:

Many counselors, psychologists, therapists, and other relationship experts write books about saving and fixing marriages. Are they right for you?

Pros and cons of using books and DIY programs

  1. You can use them when your partner doesn’t want to try to save the marriage
  2. They are less expensive than seeing a professional in person (quite a bit so)
  3. You get the best expert information (doesn’t matter if they don’t live near you)
  4. It's an easier and more casual way to start working on your marriage. Without the stress of confrontation, and ‘starting formal counselling'.
  5. No one needs to know that you're marriage is in trouble (not even your husband)

Short Quiz – Should you use a book or program?

  1. Is your husband happy to talk about your marriage situation?
  2. In your opinion, does your husband verbalize his feelings, emotions, and point of view clearly?
  3. Do you know exactly why your marriage is in trouble?

If you answered No to any of these questions, then a book or program is the best place to start.

Books can help provide answers to questions and any loops that you find yourself stuck in. All from the privacy and comfort of your own home, car or favorite coffee shop.

7 Popular Books and Programs

Save the Marriage – Dr. Lee Baucom

22+ years of experience in a book

Save the Marriage Book

Dr. Lee Baucom believes that simply having better communication skills is not going to fix your marriage.

In fact, he says that having better communication skills will only make you better at fighting. And that is one of the big issues with traditional marriage counseling, and why the success rates are so low…

His book will show you exactly what you need to do to become a ‘we’ again. And how to change your husband's current perception of you

how to save a marriage when only one is trying - Lee Baucom
Dr. Lee Baucom

He addresses marriages all the way from ‘I see problems down the road’ to ‘your husband has left and initiated legal proceedings – no communication’. Well worth the read, even if you are the only one trying to save your marriage.

Get your copy here or read a more detailed review here

MY OPINION: A great choice from a trusted source for when only one person is trying to save the marriage. Dr. Baucom also has an optional support group he only offers to people who have read his book (and understand his techniques).

Mend the Marriage – Brad Browning

Simple and easy to follow

Mend the Marriage Cover

Looking for a simple to follow guide for the best chance of saving your marriage?

Brad believes that by changing the way you think about marriage, you can change your marriage. And he has the testimonials to prove it!

Brad Browning
Brad Browning

Brad’s advice is simple to follow, in fact, he uses his own ABCD system. His book includes a few worksheets that you can work through to help prioritize and understand what’s happening in your relationship.

Included are some special guides on surviving infidelity, managing money and caring for your kids in the midst of a divorce or separation.

MY OPINION: This book contains plenty of good information but is a little light on in the practical side. A good option for the thinkers out there…

You can read a detailed review here, and get a copy for yourself here

The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work – Dr. John Gottman & Nan Silver

Data and science-based advice

Want to know what the data and scientific research says behind marriage breakdown?

Dr John Gottman (from the Gottman Institute) analyzed the difference between successful and non-successful marriages over a period of years from which the seven principles originate from.

Dr John Gottman
Dr John Gottman

This book investigates the issues of marriage in a detailed manner and offers plenty of tips, advice, and exercises to help you and your partner see eye to eye again.

After reading this book, you can expect to feel better and more positive about your husband and your marriage.

The Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work is Available here

Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work – Matthew McKay Ph.D, Patrick Fanning, Kim Paleg Ph.D

A step-by-step guide to the relationship you've always wanted

No one ever said being in a relationship was easy. But if you are prepared to put in the work, this step by step guide teaches you how to work smarter not harder.

Each chapter covers a different vital skill such as communication, better problem coping skills, and healthy ways to resolve conflicts. Most of us have at least the basic skills, or we wouldn't be in a relationship at all. But few go beyond this, which is why so many relationships fail.

Matthew McKay
Matthew McKay

In this updated edition is a chapter covering a revolutionary new technique called ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Designed to help build deeper trust and intimacy, you learn how to own your emotions while at the same time accept your partner's feelings for what they are, no judgment.

By following the steps, you will see the real value in your relationship and how to commit to making it better. Get your copy here

MY OPINION: It's good that each chapter stands alone and works on one issue, but some of the language used is overly technical.

Hope for Your Marriage: Experience God’s Greatest Desires for You and Your Spouse – Clayton & Ashlee Hurst

Stories of wisdom over the ‘instruction manual' approach

Marriage counselors Clayton and Ashlee Hurst share their own struggles in 20 years of marriage. During this time, they have raised three children and have learned that God didn't create marriage as a way to make us all happy, what he created was love.

This faith-based approach to relationships is easy to read and offers a wealth of information. Including how to make the transition from the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship to the “everyday” phase successfully.

Clayton and Ashlee Hurst
Clayton and Ashlee Hurst

Rather than just another book with a list of step by step instructions, Clayton and Ashlee share what they have learned over the years.

The book also contains a foreword by Joel Osteen and highly recommended by many top religious figures. Get your copy here

MY OPINION: This book is easy to read and relate to, but there isn't much in the way of new information.

Marriage: From Surviving to Thriving: Practical Advice on Making Your Marriage Strong – Charles R. Swindoll

A fresh new look at making Christian relationships work today

In an era of change where gender roles are changing,  author Chuck Swindoll, pastor, and Bible teacher offers a healthy blend of hope and practical advice aimed at helping your marriage work better

charles-chuck-swindoll
Charles ‘Chuck' Swindoll

With so much change in the world and roles within the family in a constant state of flux, Chuck offers faith-based tips and advice placing God in charge and using His word as the guide to a better more fulfilling marriage

Get your copy here

MY OPINION:  Christians looking for practical, faith-based advice will enjoy this book. It is heavily Christian and may not be for everyone

How to Save your Christian Marriage – Dr. Lee Baucom

A comprehensive program to follow for Christian marriages

Save Your Christian Marriage

Has your husband decided to throw in the towel?

If this sounds like you then this is the book you are after. Written by a 20+ year qualified marriage counselor, it is specifically for Christians who want to use their faith to help them save their marriage… Even if only you are trying

Get your copy here

MY OPINION: A comprehensive choice for Christians looking to rekindle and reconnect with their partner. Specially written for marriages where only one is trying

You Can Do It

It's not going to be easy but yes, you can do it. Any of these books is a great start to helping you:

  • Understand your husband better & how he sees your relationship
  • Discover what is working and what isn't
  • How to get your needs met in your marriage

Men (and women) can get disillusioned in marriage. Using these books you can help remind him of why you got married in the first place

Thanks for reading, if you have a question or query you can contact me here

 

Images courtesy of:

 

How to Get Passion Back in Your Marriage & Reignite the Fire

how to fix a broken marriage - man and woman going out again getting ready for a date

how to get the passion back in a relationship - man and woman going out again getting ready for a date

MORE MARRIAGES DIE FROM neglect than anything else.

It is simply a matter of life getting in the way. The neglect soon grows into antipathy and animosity. Soon, the relationship opens up the potential for affairs and other marriage crises.

When people rate their life priorities, many people rank their marital relationship in the top three. Yet, couples spend only a few minutes every day discussing issues that do not concern schedules and children.

Do you see the irony here?

The marriage slowly starves to death

Through the course of the marriage, a lot happens. You get busy with the details of your lives that you forget why you got together in the first place.

Things that did not exist when you first got together become priorities: children, careers, hobbies, building empires. The ‘we’ gets lost. There is so much to do that it becomes challenging to pay attention to your spouse.

Then before long, you catch yourself saying things like:

  • You never compliment me on what I am wearing”
  • “When was the last time you paid attention to me? You always focus all your attention on your work/the kids/something else”
  • “You never make love to me anymore”
  • “How can we have sex when you are always tired?”

Marriages die slowly under the rising wave of indifference. Eventually, partners fall out of love with each other, and the marriage is broken.

Marriages do not die with a bang. They quietly tiptoe away and are gone before you know they have left. – Psychology Today

When the passion is gone

Ask yourself what feels broken about your marriage. Admitting that your marriage is in trouble is the first step towards healing your marriage. Some of the telltale signs of a struggling marriage include:

  • You are constantly criticizing each other
  • There is a lack of affection in the relationship
  • The two of you are arguing all the time
  • The two of you have withdrawn and built impenetrable walls between you
  • Mutual respect between and your spouse is waning
  • You no longer do things together
  • There is a reduced comfort zone: You can no longer open up to each other or be yourselves for fear of being hurt
  • You do not feel as close as you used to be
  • You feel frustrated with each other

Answered yes to many of the above points? Read on…

What next?

When a marriage is in trouble, there are only two choices: You can either commit to save the marriage or call it quits.

Deciding not to do anything is the same as calling it quits. It will only be a matter of time before your marriage erodes when not given the time and effort it requires.

While there are definitely times when separation and divorce are okay, they are no picnic and are definitely not ‘the easy way out’.

For starters, you will never escape the knowledge that you failed in your marriage. Think of all the disrupted lives and the expenses. What about the children if you have them? Many couples will say it is better for the children not to witness all the fighting. But do you know what is even better? Not fighting anymore.

How to get the passion back in your marriage

Fixing your broken marriage is not easy, but it is worth every try. And yes it is possible.

If you focus on restoring the connection and putting the past in the past, your marriage can be healthy again. The key here is not trying to fix every little thing that you think is wrong with the marriage, but committing on building a new relationship.

how to get the passion back in your marriage - man and woman having a serious conversation

Reflect on what has damaged your marriage.

This may seem like an obvious step, but it is crucial to mending your relationship. It is going to be painful but this time for honesty is a must if the marriage is to heal.

Here are some questions to help initiate thought or conversation around the potential issues in your marriage:

  • Has there been an absence of affection and passion in your marriage?
  • Have you been having constant arguments because of money?
  • Does either party feel that they are not getting due respect in the relationship?
  • Do either of you feel that your individual needs are not being taken care of?
  • Has either of you developed habits which have become destructive to your marriage?

Make a list of all the issues that are problematic in your relationship. Include those that you do not talk about for fear that they might lead to further conflict.

Being honest about the problems in your marriage goes a long way towards fixing it.

Acknowledge your part in the problem

Having identified the problem areas, you now have the opportunity to identify the things you are doing that have contributed to the situation.

Many times, one partner may look at the problem as the other partner’s to fix. After all, everyone wants to believe that they are the model spouse.

You say:

I clean up after him, and he is never grateful. It is his fault your marriage is falling apart.

He says:

I work hard and provide all the finances, and she is never grateful. It is her fault the marriage is coming undone.

The truth of the matter is that all of your motives are not always as pure as you would want your spouse to think. Also, it doesn't really matter who is right and wrong.

You can either be right or you can be happily married. Not both. – Anonymous

Each partner has plenty of room for improvement. Ask yourself:

  • Are my expectations always realistic?
  • Are there things I am doing or failing to do that are hurting my marriage?
  • Do I give my husband the benefit of the doubt?
  • Do I always respond to my wife with love and grace?
  • Am I truly on my husband's side?

You cannot fix a broken marriage unless you are willing to take responsibility for ALL OF IT. No matter what kind of a spouse you have, you are always responsible for your responses.

Quit the blame game. At this point, it does not matter who was right or wrong. And no single person wins. You all win or lose. – Jane Kamiri

Improve your communication

An essential component of fixing your marriage is communication. Your spouse could never read your mind. You, therefore, have to articulate your needs clearly.

At the same time, ensure your communication is honest and respectful. Do not speak in anger and do not be sarcastic. This will only invoke an angry reaction from your spouse, and you will soon be arguing.

  • Be patient with each other and talk to each other, not at each other.
  • Express your concerns constructively.
  • Keep the tone friendly and omit any judgment, criticism, and irritation.
  • Focus on solutions rather than dwelling on what went wrong.
  • Improve your listening skills.

You might find it easier to start writing a letter or a text message to help take some of the emotion out initially.

Find forgiveness

When the problems have been clearly articulated, it is time to apologize, forgive and move on. Look for ways to find forgiveness both for yourself and your partner so that you can move forward.

Commit to connecting again

Make rebuilding your marriage a priority: value your time together. No matter how busy your schedules are, always find time to spend together.

  • You can spend a few minutes every night chatting
  • Go out on dates if you can
  • Always find ways of aligning together through the good and bad times
  • Restore your intimacy
    • Sexual intimacy is crucial for the growth of your marriage. Even when you are not up to it, make an effort to be open to intimate moments as often as possible.

Also,

  • Stop asking yourself the wrong questions. Asking yourself ‘Did I marry the wrong person?’ is the wrong question. Instead, ask yourself, ‘How can I love correctly the person I married?’
  • Don’t talk to friends and family about your situation. Exposing your marriage makes it more vulnerable.
  • Even if your spouse is not on board, commit to doing it alone. Your effort can change the momentum of your marriage. Your effort will also motivate the obstinate spouse to make efforts to save the marriage.

Finally,

Be the change you want to see. Speak in the vocabulary of your actions. Your problems will be resolved more by new choices than many discussions.

If your concerned about your marriage and want more help I encourage you to watch this short video. It is put together by a marriage expert that has many years of experience helping couples reunite.

If you want help to work together for your marriage, then I recommend that you put everything aside for the next few minutes and watch the video.

Best of luck in your situation.