“My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex” – What to Do When He Withdraws from Intimacy

My husband doesnt want sex - woman frustrated with husband in bed
  • Has your husband stopped loving you?
  • Is there another woman?
  • What happened to his sexual desire?  
  • Does he really care?

These thoughts can go round and round in your head when your husband withdraws sexually. But although you may feel alone, you are not the only one this happens to. This story repeats itself in many bedrooms all over the world.

The myth that men want to have sex all the time is simply not accurate

According to experts, almost all marriages go through periods when the husband experiences lower sex drive than his wife.

A study that appeared in the Live Science Magazine revealed that 14.4 per cent of the men surveyed indicated having experienced lack of sexual desire lasting two or more months within the previous year. Another research showed that 15% to 16% of men lose interest in sex at some point in their lives.

Contrary to popular belief, men and women are not that different concerning sexuality and desire. Experts say that in marriage, it is about 50 / 50. 50% of the time, the wife demands sex more than the husband while 50% of the time, the husband wants sex and the wife doesn’t.

Why doesn’t your husband want to have sex with you?

According to the sex therapists, lack of sex is a symptom, not the root of problems in your marriage. It is truly not about sex. Sex does not happen in a vacuum; it occurs within the quality and context of your relationship. Therefore, emotional disconnection, stress, communication problems, and health issues: all these will affect your husband’s ability and willingness to have sex with you.

Some of the reasons why your husband may not be having sex with you include:

He is depressed and not feeling like he wants to have sex

Your husband’s sex drive is wrapped up in his concept of manhood. When he feels like a man, he will want to make love. On the other hand, if he feels like he has lost his masculinity, he won’t. So, the question begs, what does it take for your husband to not feel like a man? When:

  • Your husband is not making any progress at his workplace
  • He feels like he is not achieving his dreams and goals
  • He feels like he is letting you down
  • There is extreme tension in your marriage, and he feels like he doesn’t have a solution

All these can radically decrease your husband’s interest in sex. A man whose masculinity is scarred will definitely have his sexual desire affected.

Your husband is struggling to connect with you on an emotional level

This may be news to you if you believe that only women need to bond emotionally to take pleasure in sex. If you have been emotionally distant from your husband because of pressures at work or other commitments, you may have made him feel unloved and neglected. Your husband should never feel unappreciated or as if you are merely tolerating him: He will find it hard to be intimate with you.

He is no longer attracted to you

If there has been a lot of negative energy in your relationship, your husband might desire you less. Are you always nagging your husband, criticizing him and putting him down? Evaluate your treatment of your husband and see whether you could be doing anything to drive him away.

The same will happen if your husband feels like you have lost respect for him. No matter how long the two of you have been married; your husband still needs to feel that he is a hero to you.

Experts also indicate that weight gain and changes in your appearance might affect your husband’s attraction to you. The problem isn’t love; it is sex.

He may be having an affair

If you have done all you can to revive your husband’s interest in making love and still been unsuccessful, an extramarital affair probably explains it.

A man who has transferred his desire elsewhere will not desire to have sex with you. He may not even be having an affair but he is probably involved with pornography, or he is having an affair with himself; engaging in too much masturbation. All these things can definitely contribute to your husband feeling less concerned about engaging in sex with you.

Low sex drive

Your husband could be dealing with low libido. Physical issues like underlying sicknesses and low testosterone will undoubtedly cause low sex drive. The good thing with this issue is that it is easy to fix as long as your husband visits a doctor. So, what can you do to rekindle the intimacy with your husband?

Acknowledge that there is a problem

The first thing that you must do is raise the issue with your husband. How you bring up the subject with your husband will significantly determine your success in solving the problem. Your husband, like many other men, will find it hard to talk about his loss of desire for sex.

Experts indicate that masculinity and virility are intimately connected. Your husband will, therefore, be uncomfortable with self-disclosure. Remember, if he especially has a low sex drive, he is terrified even to think that he doesn’t desire sex, let alone admit it.

This topic might be embarrassing and even humiliating for your husband, so how you communicate with him is very crucial.

If he is no longer attracted to you

If your husband just doesn’t desire to have sex with you anymore, this is the clearest indication of underlying issues in your relationship. Do you and your husband have unresolved issues? Is your emotional connection what it used to be when you first got married? Does your husband still feel respected and admired by you? Is he still attracted to you? How is the communication with your husband?

Express genuine desire to know what the problem is and show your willingness to work with your husband to make your relationship fulfilling to both of you once again.

If he is experiencing low libido

If your husband lets out that he is having a physical issue like erectile dysfunction, do not panic or overreact. Making a big deal out of your husband’s problem will make him even more nervous about his performance. He may eventually shut down.

Ban sex for a while

This measure may sound counterproductive, but as you and your husband seek a solution to the problem, you should try some non-sexy things: Taking baths together, giving each other massages. This will take the pressure off your husband as he actively seeks for a solution to the problem.

Your husband carries a heavy burden

Whatever the reason for the decrease in sexual desire, your husband is already carrying a heavy load and probably feels as alone in his pain as you.

The anger, pain, and confusion you feel for your husband’s inability or unwillingness to meet your needs for love and sexual fulfilment cannot compare with the burden of inadequacy that your husband carries.

He yearns to be a competent husband. His sense of accomplishment and confidence is tied to his ability to perform in all areas, including sexually.

You are not the victim

As such, when approaching your husband, start from a place of curiosity instead of blame. Let him know that you love him and you want your marriage to work. Let him feel that you are a team and you will get through the problem together.

Your reassurance, acceptance, affirmation and comfort will significantly speed up your husband’s recovery process. Be gentle and empathetic with your husband and let him know that you are willing to work with him through whatever the issue is.

EXPERT ADVICE – “I Cheated On My Husband Now He Wants A Divorce”

I Cheated on My Husband now He Wants a Divorce - Man handing back ring

I Cheated on My Husband now He Wants a Divorce - Man handing back ring

IF YOU ARE trying to dig yourself out of the enormity of an affair, and now you desire to fight for your marriage, this article is for you.

But first things first. Can your marriage be saved? The answer is yes!

It is very possible to rebuild your marriage if you are willing to do the work. Experts in relationship breakdown indicate that your ability to save your marriage has less to do with the circumstances of the affair but the responses of both you and your husband towards the affair.

Marriages do not end because of the infidelity; they end because of how infidelity is dealt with. Psychology Today.

Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist, indicates that couples divorce after affairs because the betrayed spouse simply gives up trying when the cheating spouse continues to be shady, selfish and untrustworthy.

In a study, the highest divorce rate was among couples who had secret infidelity at 80%. In contrast in marriages where the affair did come to light, the divorce rate was 43%.

The study had further good news for couples who stayed together after an affair. Both infidelity and non-infidelity couples had similar levels of marital stability, and they were indistinguishable in their relationship satisfaction at the five-year mark.

So, you see, your affair is devastating but it is not necessarily disastrous for the long haul. Your marriage can rise from these ashes and thrive once again.

Take full responsibility for the affair

This seems obvious, but it is not. Many times, wives justify their affair by blaming their husband. ‘He was not meeting all my needs, so I turned to another man'. Here’s the truth; no matter what state your marriage was in when you cheated, you made the decision to be unfaithful.

You had other choices. There were certainly contributing factors in your decision to break your marriage vows. However, you must take full responsibility for your decision.

Do not justify your infidelity! Do not give excuses and flimsy reasons. Do not blame your husband for your actions!

Look your husband in the eye and sincerely apologize; without any Buts!  Tell your husband that you will do whatever it takes to fix the situation and help him heal from the pain that you have caused him.

Server your relationship with the other man

The priority right now is to help your husband to recover, which may involve significant life changes. An affair with someone in your social groups means that you may have to change your friends; an affair at work may mean that you find another job.

The bottom line is, do whatever it takes to server all contacts with the third party.

Rebuild your husband’s trust

You must commit to live a transparent life in order to win your husband’s trust.

Prepare to be more open and honest than you have ever been. Your husband will want to know where you are and what you are doing, and obviously with who.

And you're going to have to deal with this until he trusts you again. You did major damage to the trust in your marriage and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust:

  • Be consistent
  • Always be on time
  • Do what you say will do

Answer all your husband’s questions

Your husband will want a lot of information: who, what, when, where, why, including the gory details. Your natural inclination will be to lessen the blow by withholding information. Unfortunately, the truth always comes out in time. Withholding information will destroy any hope of rebuilding trust.

According to Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist, earning back your husband’s trust calls for you to be upfront with him about the extent of the affair. Caroline indicates many spouses who have been cheated on leave the marriage not because of the affair, but because of the drip, drip, drip, of the truth.

Just when the spouse is getting used to the facts that have been revealed and is starting to adjust and trust again, more information surfaces. Be completely honest at the very beginning so that your husband can decide if he can forgive you with his eyes wide open.

Bear in mind that your husband’s life has been turned upside down and he needs all the information in order to make sense of it. It is not up to you but up to your husband to determine what he needs to know.

Why talking about it is important

Equally important in answering your husband’s questions is that you should be willing to keep answering them for as long as they need to ask. It is this willingness that demonstrates your commitment to the marriage.

Research by Dr. Peggy Vaughn revealed that couples are likely to save their marriage after infidelity when they thoroughly discuss the whole situation. Her study showed that:

  • 55% of a couple who discussed the situation very little was still married
  • 78% of couples who addressed the situation a good bit remained married
  • 86% of couples who discussed the unfaithfulness a lot remained married.

Thus, the extent to which a couple discussed the affair was significantly associated with the likelihood of saving the marriage.

In addition, Dr. Vaughn’s research revealed that a couple is more likely to remain married when the cheating spouse answered their partner’s questions.

  • 59% of those who refused to answer questions remained married.
  • 81% of couples whose cheating partner responded to some of their questions remained married
  • 86% of couples whose offending partners answered all their partner’s questions remained married

Thus, the extent to which the cheating spouse responded to questions was significantly associated with the degree of success in saving the marriage.

Patience! Patience! Patience!

Patience will be one of your greatest tools in getting through the process of rebuilding your marriage. Just because you feel that you have done all you could to deal with the situation, or think that you have dealt with it long and deeply enough does not mean your husband feels the same way.

Your husband is the one who was betrayed. It is unrealistic for you to decide when the affair should be a closed chapter. Efforts to move on will be futile until your husband feels that he has healed.

Recommit to your husband

Reiterate to your husband that you are all in and you are willing to do whatever it takes to fight for your relationship. Do not be in a hurry to move on. If you want to truly save your marriage, you and your husband should ask yourselves a few essential questions:

  • How did you get here? In other words, what are the underlying reasons for the affair? Experts encourage that you both spend a lot of time pondering and reflecting on this question.
  • What does your husband need to heal completely? (e.g., he may require that you seek professional counseling)
  • What are you doing to ensure that another affair doesn’t happen? You need to learn how to establish boundaries in your other relationships because affairs are essentially boundary violations.
  • If you move forward in this marriage what are you committing to? This might be the single most important question you can address as a couple as you move forward. An honest discussion of this question will enable you to reboot your relationship.

Experts say that recovery from infidelity is no different than any other serious life challenge. Contained within its experience are both pain and opportunity. Together with your husband, you can leverage this opportunity to rebuild a fantastic marriage.

What Now…?

You can birth a new marriage from the ashes and debris of the impending divorce and create a legacy of renewal.

Think of what an incredible experience to work through what could be defeat and come out on top. You will be stronger. Your marriage will be stronger, and your family would be stronger.

There is nothing like adversity to make a relationship stronger.

So if you have decided you want to keep your marriage together, it's time to get practical about it

Getting practical about saving your marriage

For instance, how will you deal with these situations…?

  • How will you help your husband get over the pain of being cheated on?
  • What will you tell the kids about the change in your relationship they have noticed?
  • What will your daily routine look like if your husband says he wants some space and decides to move to another room or out of the house?

Although these questions are a little uncomfortable, they are something you need to think of

But you aren't the first person in this situation… and there are resources that can help you along the way

For more in-depth information and advice on repairing a marriage, I recommend watching this short video

It explains how you can save your marriage, even if you are the only one trying

If it feels like he wants to throw in the towel, then this video might be the most important video that you ever watch

If you have any questions or comments relating to this topic you can contact me here

Best of luck,

Randy

“My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage… What Do I Do?”

husband is giving up on our marriage - wife tossing up whether to wear wedding ring

My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage - wife tossing up whether to wear wedding ring

IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE to save your marriage when your husband has clearly indicated that he wants out?

Should you give up and accept that your marriage is over?

The answer is that it is never too late to save your marriage.

You might simply be at the turning point in your marriage. You might have hit rock bottom.

Sometimes, it is not until things couldn’t get any worse that they start to get better.

Why do spouses give up on marriage?

Reason #1

After some time in the marriage, a spouse may become disillusioned.

They may feel that many of their expectations have been unmet and they start mourning their pre-marriage life.

If this is the case, then he thinks that leaving the relationship feels like the key to finding happiness once again. As a result, he will be unwilling to engage in any conversation about staying married.

Because he thinks that being married is what is making him unhappy.

Reason #2

Some spouses feel that they have lost the love they once had and the only solution is to bail out.

The truth is…

However, experts indicate that every healthy relationship goes through various stages.

ALL relationships will lose the original passion at some stage.  As life creeps in, responsibilities and the pressures of security get in the way of the both of you. He might feel that the intimacy and sex have suffered as a result.

My Husband is Giving Up On Our Marriage - wife at counselling trying while husband has given up

Why you shouldn’t give up on your marriage even when your spouse has bailed out

You can go it alone and save your marriage.

Many wives think that they need their husbands to work with them to fix their marriage. The reality is that you can single-handedly change the momentum of your relationship.

Your determination may be just what will motivate your obstinate husband to join in the process of saving your marriage.

1. It is the right thing to do

You owe it to yourself to give saving your marriage your best shot.

You always have the option to call it quits, but once you give up, that’s it. There are no more chances.

If you did ever end your marriage, you don’t want to have the slightest doubt about what might have happened if you had tried harder. If you have to end it, you want to know without any shred of doubt that you did everything you could to save your marriage.

2. You are not alone

Another reason why you should not give up on your marriage is that according to research, more than 32 million individuals are struggling in their marriages this very minute.

Many times, it might feel as if all other marriages are flourishing and only yours is ailing. Many other people are facing extreme challenges in their marriages, and they are working day and night to make it work.

And do you know what, some of these people will find a way out. If you hang in there, you could be among the people who save their marriages from the verge of breakup.

3. It IS NOT wasted effort

Working on your broken marriage is a good investment for the rest of your life, whether your marriage succeeds or not.

It is a fantastic pay off if you turn your marriage around, but even if you don’t, it will not be wasted effort. Indeed it will be the most important thing you will have done for yourself and your next relationship.

If you do not get complete closure in your marriage, relationships are going to be a revolving door for you. Soon, you will find yourself in the same situation you are with your husband with someone else.

Work on your marriage with every intention of restoring it, but, even if you don’t succeed, the effort will not have been in vain.

4 Tips on how to save your marriage when you are the only one trying

1. Agree with your husband

Your husband wants to walk away because this marriage makes him miserable. Do not try to convince him to stay.

Instead,

Agree with him: that you also no longer want the marriage you have had, mainly because he is unhappy and you would never want that for him. Agree that this marriage should be over.

Then,

Let your husband know you want to consider a new relationship with him.

This will allow you to get on the same page with your husband. It will no longer be you vs. him. He will feel like you have listened to him, and you understand how he feels.

This in itself will go some way to rekindling the connection with you. You might even ignite a marriage saving conversation.

The worst mistake you can make right now is to cling and beg your husband to stay

All the emotions you are feeling right now are powerful and authentic. But they serve no purpose in helping you save your marriage.

Pleading, clinging and begging will only drive your husband away faster.

Also, when you fall apart, you will be very unattractive to your husband.

When he sees that the situation he is putting you in is making you upset/angry/unhappy he will want to put an end to it. And the fast way for him to do that is to leave himself.

2. Get to work on yourself

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

Whatever your age, make yourself as physically attractive to your husband as you can. He was physically attracted to you once: he can be attracted to you again.

You cannot go back to looking like the age you did when you met your husband, but you can be the best that you can be at your age.

Your husband doesn't want a supermodel. He just wants you to try your best for him. It shows him that you still care.

Also, stimulate your mind by learning new things: join a book club, take a class, read magazines that expand your mind, take a new hobby.

When you get an opportunity to talk with your husband, engage him in something interesting and fun rather than talking about your marital issues.

Talking about the problems in your relationship at this point will only lead to arguments and make things much worse.

3. Be as understanding and accepting of your husband as you can be

You don’t have to accept your husband’s decision, but you can accept his feelings. Do not question or judge his feelings.

When he feels that you understand him, he will be assured that you truly love him. Listen to your husband, show empathy, and you will pique his interest once again.

4. Be willing to forgive

You are frustrated and probably resent your husband. You feel he has rejected you by checking out of your marriage.

However, you cannot hope to rebuild a healthy relationship with him if you hold anger and bitterness towards him. You must accept that he is probably doing the best that he can with the skills that he has. He isn’t out to hurt you.

The process of saving your marriage will only work if you love your husband enough to forgive him. Forgiving your husband will empower you to do whatever it takes to change the course of his intentions.

Where to go from here…?

In the face of a marital crisis, someone has to be the brave one, and that person is you.

Saving your marriage is a noble task. Give it your all and do not lose hope. Your marriage can not only survive this disruption, but you can also use this crisis as a springboard towards real transformation.

Many marriages have risen from the verge of divorce to thrive once again. This can be your testimony if you handle this setback the right way.

 

Thanks for reading this guide on ‘My husband is giving up on our marriage'. I hope it has answered some questions for you. For more information, join the Manage Your Man mailing list.

The 10 Best Books About Love And Relationships to Help You Understand Your Man

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

IT'S FUNNY HOW AS MEN we expect our partners to know…

    • What we're thinking
    • How we're feeling
      and
    • What our expectations are

But for some reason… we don't tell our partners

Here to reveal what actually makes us tick are the 10 insightful books below

They'll to turn you from ‘Nun-level-man-knowledge' into a ‘Man-psychic'

Although when you get there, I wouldn't start explaining to your husband what he's going to do next…

Enjoy

1. His Secret Obsession – James Bauer

Discover his single most important drive in life

His Secret Obsession - Digital copies only available

What is the missing ingredient in your marriage? Do you suffer from a lack of communication, romance, or sex?

While all of these issues are very important, James Bauer's breakthrough book, ‘His Secret Obsession‘ reveals the one amazing factor that WILL make a MAJOR difference in your relationship.

If you are tired of your man being cold and standoffish, then this is the one book you need to read! Learn:

  • What men secretly want but will never tell you
  • How to enjoy a deeper more loving relationship
  • How you can get his attention the right way by using some simple conversation starters

Read my in-depth review here or go straight to the website

2. Text the Romance Back – Michael Fiore

How to really capture his attention…

Text the Romance Back - Michael Fiore

Does it seem like you and your significant other have watched the romance in your relationship slowly slip away?

Michael Fiore will show you how to put modern technology to work for you. He explains how texting lends itself to recreating that connected feeling and how you can Text the Romance” back into your relationship.

Discover:

  • Why the way couples communicate makes it the main reason so many marriages fall apart
  • The 8 different types of text messages that he has no choice but to listen to
  • Done-for-you messages that you can send within 5 minutes of receiving your copy of ‘Text the Romance Back

Read a more in-depth review here or get your copy here

3. Devotion System – Amy North

Get your man to recommit….

The Devotion System - Amy North

There's nothing more demoralizing than being in a relationship in which your partner decides he isn't sure what he wants

If you are tired of feeling like your man is waiting to see what the wind might blow in then “The Devotion System” is just what you need

Learn;

  • Why men pull away
  • How to put texting to work to draw him in
  • How to get your man to dream about spending the rest of his life with you

This book is easy to follow and comes with several bonuses. Grab your copy here and rediscover how to keep him devoted to you

There's also a detailed review here.

4. For Women Only- Shaunti Feldhahn

A Christian guide to understanding men

Most men keep their feelings close to their chest. And while he might not want to talk about them, he still wants you to “get” him

In “For Women Only“, best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn explains men from a Christian viewpoint in a way that's easy to follow and simple to understand.

This book is filled with practical ideas that have helped millions around the world make successful changes to their relationship. Including;

• Why your respect means more to him than your love
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical
• What he most wishes he could say to you

What are you waiting for? Get your copy and read other reviews here

5. The Male Brain – Louann Brezindine

A scientific look at the male brain

Ever wondered why boys can't sit still and why their interest in the physical side of sex is so strong?

In this breakthrough follow-up to her best-selling book “The Female Brain,” author Louann Brezindine uses easy to understand anecdotes to decode the male mind.

In doing so, she turns scientific gobbledygook into an enjoyable read. Learn:

  • How hormones affect men as they reach puberty
  • The cutting-edge research that overturns everything you thought you knew about the male brain
  • The typical male stereotypes that don't exist anymore

This book is a bit broader than the others, so if you're into a more holistic approach to the subject of men get your copy here

6. What We Guys Really Want, Really – Bryan Bruce

How to make him happy…

In his ‘ultimate guide to the male psychology and sexual behavior', Bryan Bruce delves the reader deep into the male psyche

And the outcome is that it's not as complex as many women think it is. In fact in this book you will learn:

  • The truth behind why men cheat
  • Why they are afraid of committing
  • How men reveal their real selves just by their actions

Based on scientific research, useful and loaded with good advice this book is definitely a primer for those who want to keep their man

The only caveat is that it does make men look a little simple in places. But if you want to keep it simple, then he will thank you for reading this (in his own way that you'll only understand by reading this).

Get your copy here.

7. Texts So Good He Can't Ignore – Bruce Bryans

Texts so good he'll be begging to see you….

Everyone says texting has no feeling, yet in “Texts So Good He Can't Ignore You,” Bruce Bryans teaches you how to use a mans emotions to capture his attention.

He shows you how to make your texts to men stand out from those ones you usually send about picking up some more milk. Learn:

  • How men appraise the texts sent by a woman
  • How to flirt and tease your way to becoming his number one priority
  • Sample texts you can copy and send to get instant results

Bruce will show you how your texts can make him pursue you again like he used to.

When you're ready to make the most out of every text, then your copy for ‘Texts So Good He Can't Ignore' is here

8. The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want in A Woman – Bruce Bryans

Learn what it takes to get a man to commit

In his concise book, Bruce Bryans talks about what a “high-quality” man wants in his mate.

To do this, Bruce shows you how to understand what your man is interested. He also covers plenty of other topics including:

  • Learn what it takes to get a man to commit
  • How to keep your man happy
  • What real men find attractive

This book is more opinion than fact and is written primarily for single women, but has enough advice for relationships to be relevant here.

Want to know what the 7 qualities are? Find out here.

9. He Comes Next – Ian Kenner PhD

The thinking woman's guide to pleasuring a man….

In this follow up to his smash hit bestseller “She Comes First,” author Ian Kenner discusses what it takes to turn a man on and keep him turned on

Included is how to get your man to relax and enjoy a full range of stimulation rather than focusing on his erection (or lack thereof) and orgasm (or lack thereof)

Ian goes step-by-step with clear, concise details for every technique he discusses in the book with the goal of teaching you how to give your man the ultimate in sexual pleasure. He also covers:

  • What he wants to tell you about pleasing him, but can't
  • The inside of a man's mind when he is aroused
  • How love and sex are interconnected for men

This book has had some mixed reviews, but overall the information is good. Get your copy and start pleasing him how he wants to be pleased here.

10. Secret Survey – Michael Fiore

The ultimate guide to understanding men….

Secret Survey - Michael Fiore

Secret Survey by Michael Fiore is the perfect program for any woman who has ever felt lost, confused, even overwhelmed when trying to deal with men

It is a step-by-step, full-length guide to relationships and what you should be doing to make a long-term relationship work

Written for women, this guide is designed to help you better understand the male psyche and to put this knowledge to work for you. Included is:

  • Why you've been lied to by every man you've ever met and what they've lied about
  • What your husband actually thinks about you
  • How to interpret ‘men speak' and the real reason why men are so difficult to understand

Very easy to follow and understand this book covers a lot of questions about the man and men in your life. Get your copy here.

In Summary

Thanks for reading my best books about love and relationships recommendations. They are worth reading and I do keep this list updated. If you have anything to add, you can contact me here.

Which is the Best Bedroom Toy For You? Answer These Yes/No QUIZ Questions to Discover Your Preference

Best Bedroom Toys - Woman in bed alone with vibrator

Best Bedroom Toys - Woman in bed alone with vibrator

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND when you think of bedroom toys?

Some women are quite casual about them. While others put theirs in the back of a drawer only call on it when needed… (And never to be seen by hubby)

No matter where you sit on this scale, there is plenty of discreetly-shipped choices available to you

And to make your next choice the right one, I've put together 5 sets of Yes/No quiz questions. Answer YES to at least 2 of them and then discover what toys suit you and your situation… Enjoy

Are You a Discreet User?

  • Is your husband uncomfortable with you using a bedroom toy?
  • Do you only like to please yourself in private?
  • Do you need something that is small enough you could carry with you?

If you answered yes to these questions then you are a discreet bedroom toy user

You don't want to be defined by it or identified with it, but you want something that will get you ‘cover your mouth excited'…

And comes in a very discreet box that no one will know what's in it

There is a version of a small toy known as a ‘bullet' that is discreet for when you've got some precious alone time. They are small and quiet so you can even use them when hubby is snoring and you're awake.

The Umania Bullet – small and compact

The Umania Bullet

This bullet is small but has an incredibly powerful vibration. And with a simple one button that leaves you in full control of the 10-speed modes

Because it's only 3-inches in length, it is easy to hide and store. It's short size also means it can be used in different positions for stimulating different zones

This bullet is made with ABS it's easy to clean, and users say that it's quiet which doesn't wake anyone up, and lets you focus on what you're trying to focus on

Your husband, the neighbors and anyone in the room next door will be none the wiser

The perfect compliment to some precious alone time, click or touch this link to find out more

Are You a Too Busy for Long Sessions?

  • Do you ever feel the need for ‘the release' but are too tired at the end of a long day?
  • Is ‘me' time ever on your todo list?
  • Do you sometimes want to fit one in but aren't sure you have the time?

If only you could tell your libido that you've got responsibilities, places to be and important things to do…

But where would be the fun in that?

Instead, to crush that craving you need something that can give you the release that you are after, in a timely and effective manner. (Your boss would be proud)

Because in your case the build-up can last a lot longer than the main act, you also need something you can rely on…

So without further ado let me introduce you to the solution of your dreams… (Apart from your husband of course)

He's;

  • 6.3 inches long
  • Can stimulate you all over your body
  • Doesn't smell or leave a mess
  • Is whisper quiet
  • And can take you from Zero to ‘O' in 2 minutes flat…?

He also doesn't snore and fits in the bottom drawer after you have finished with him

Orlena ‘Suction' Vibrator

Orlena ‘Suction' Vibrator

When you want to feel your toes curl but you're too tight for time or exhausted to move then the Orlena ‘Sucking' Vibrator is up for the challenge

The Orlena's reputation for speed is due to its special suction vacuum technology, which is touch-free and works at 5 different intensities

When placed on the finger it doesn't feel like much but gives an intense feeling of suction, that when put on the right place will take you straight to ‘riding the wave'

It also works as a more standard vibrator with 8 different powerful vibration modes

It's easy to clean and waterproof so you can even use it in the bath… not that you ever get time for baths…

So Mrs Busy, it's finally time to set up a meeting between you and your new best friend. Find him here along with discreet delivery options

Are You a Novice User?

  • Would you consider yourself a novice when it comes to exploring yourself?
  • Is masturbation a subject that you don't really want to know too much about…?
  • Do you shy away from sharing about personal topics with your friends?
  • Do you think about you and your vagina as two separate entities…?

You were probably one of those girls that really paid attention at school… So it's unfortunate that they don't really discuss this subject there

You may also think that it's unfortunate that your libido isn't going to magically go away either… But it's going to be a happy time learning to live with it

For anyone, (but particularly someone who is a self-confessed novice) your first buy should be a straight out vibrator. Nothing flash, something that you can use, get comfortable with and get a feel for easily

Look for something that can give you stimulation on the clitoris as well as traditional penetration and rubbing of the G-spot. Other important points include something that is easy to clean, and quiet (so you can focus on whatever you want to focus on without disruption.)

G Spot Rabbit Vibrator
G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

Option 1: PALOQUETH G Spot Rabbit Vibrator

This vibrator covers most bases and will have your heart racing in no time…

The main reason I feel this is a great choice for novices is that the rabbit (the bit with what looks like two ears) is for direct clitoral stimulation, which is a very common and simple way to climax

As well as that, all the standard features apply here:

  • It's whisper quiet
  • 9 vibration modes
  • Easy to use
  • Easy to clean
  • Waterproof

And the angle of the shaft is ergonomically designed to hit your pleasure zone… over and over and over again

It also comes delivered in a very discreet box so not even the delivery man will know what's inside

To book your next special meeting with this special toy click or tap here

Option 2: Don't want another vibrator?

If you are a little more adventurous, you can start playing around with another erogenous zone.

This can add more pleasure and fun if you already have a trusty vibrator and you are a little curious to try something else.

If you are up for it you can try an anal trainer kit. The are four phalluses that come in different sizes so you can see where you belong and are easy to clean

My advice is to buy extra lube, only a sachet comes with the box

Are You Looking to Use Your Toy With a Partner?

  • Are you looking to help bring the ‘magic' back?
  • Is your intimacy time too ‘comfortable?'
  • Does your partner enjoy watching and/or using your bedroom toy?

Men are very visual creatures, so there's no better way to get his attention than to let him watch you

And after you have his attention, the right sex toy can help you encourage some participation…

You only need to make sure that the game is staged so that both parties are getting what they want

As a man, I can tell you that he will want to feel as though he is the one giving you the pleasure that you love, and not so much the toy

So if you are comfortable with giving him complete control, you can start off with something like this…

Thigh Cuffs


Option 1: Rachel's Pleasure Thigh Cuffs

Show him how vulnerable you are without his help with these thigh cuffs

They simply cuff your hands to your thighs which leaves you helpless and in quite a compromising position. (It won't take too long before he figures it out…)

Reasonably priced, well made and the thigh cuffs leave you in an easy position to hold (you don't have to be a yoga queen)

It's also a position that he will like and won't be able to resist

Get your set of these and bring the excitement back to your alone time. See delivery options here.

The only downside to these is that the one size fits all is kind of small. More voluptuous girls may want to try this instead

Option 2: Wearable Bluetooth Vibrator

If you really want to put him in charge, then this little gizmo is for you

All you need to do is put it on, give him the control and let him start the fun

Wearable Bluetooth Vibrator

This can work in the bedroom, around the house, or if you are really adventurous when you are both out in public

You'll enjoy the sensation and he will enjoy having control and giving you what you want

The 32-foot range means you won't know when it's coming and the 9 speeds will keep you guessing… until you get home

The sound is just under 40dB so it's not library quiet but subtle enough for dinner at a restaurant or a night on the town

Discover what the two of you can get away with when you put your naughty minds together. The wearable Bluetooth vibrator is here when you are ready for it

Are You Looking for More Than a Toy?

  • Do you own a drawer full of bedroom toys?
  • Does your interest extend beyond vibrators?
  • Are you looking for a new experience?

One of the most fun things to do is introduce new ways for you and your partner to enjoy each other

It can be hard, (no pun intended) but introducing new things is one way you can get a bit of that spark and passion back that you had when you first met

And if you have used toys to the point where they all seem the same then the good news is that there are other ways to spice things up…

Sex Swing

2nd Generation Sex Swing

If you are looking for a new thrill then this heavy duty, 2nd generation sex swing will help you reach new positions, angles, and spots that you never thought possible

Built around a steel frame and rated to 600lbs, there is now no excuse for slowing down

At first glance, it does look a little awkward. However, reviewers say that once you're set up an in a position the padding on the straps make it pretty comfortable and easy to relax

Great for those of us whose body can't catch up to our imaginations

2-year warranty on parts and available in a few colors, it will take some setting up but if you're looking for a new experience then this should get hubby's seal of approval. Here is everything you need to start that new experience

After it's all over

I hope that you have found something that suits your lifestyle. Thanks for reading this article on finding the best bedroom toys for yourself. If you have any questions, contact me here.

“Does Marriage Counseling Work For Marriages Like Mine?”

Does Marriage Counseling Work for Marriages Like Mine - Marriage Counselor

Does Marriage Counseling Work for Marriages Like Mine - Marriage Counselor

MARRIAGE COUNSELORS AREN'T SUPERHEROES…

They have a very specific set of talents or specialities, and unlike superheroes, they cannot make anyone do anything

Even if it's good for them

So when you walk into their office in order for them to fix your marriage… they may not be able to help you

When you should see a marriage counselor

Marriage counseling aims to help to identify the problems, resolve the conflicts and heal their partnership

When you participate, the counselor or therapist is doing their best to empower you to make thoughtful decisions about mending and strengthening your relationship

At the same time helping you achieve a deeper understanding of each other and encouraging a more fulfilling marriage

Some of the signs that your marriage needs relationship counseling include:

  • You hardly speak to each other
    • Poor communication is a significant setback in marriage. If you cannot freely share your thoughts, ideas, and experiences with your spouse, this is a prominent sign for the need of couples counseling
  • You feel intimidated by your spouse
    • If you are scared of speaking with your spouse or you are hesitant to bring up some issues, it means that your marriage is troubled. Counseling will help you to develop the confidence to speak freely with your spouse
  • You keep secrets from each other
    • Even though each partner has the right to privacy, there needs to be transparency in your marriage for it to thrive
  • You restrict love and affection to punish each other
    • If one of you gets angry and stops loving, caring and talking to the other partner to punish them, this shows that your relationship is already strained.
  • One or both of you are financially unfaithful
    • If you and your spouse are withholding vital information about your finances: loans, expenses, savings, you will eventually destroy your marriage. Financial dishonesty shows that something is missing in the relationship which counseling can help
  • Your marriage lacks intimacy
    • When you are no longer intimate with your partner, it signals that something is wrong. This may point that you need a qualified person to help sort out what is missing in your relationship.
  • An affair has infiltrated your marriage
    • Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it calls for a lot of work. With commitment and willingness, a counselor can help you salvage your marriage.
  • When you do not know how to solve your differences
    • If your discussions are always laced with a negative tone, and they always end up in fights, this is the perfect time to get a third party involved.

If you are stuck in marital discord, be honest and acknowledge that you need help.

When seeing a Marriage Counselor may not help

Marriage counseling isn't for everyone or every situation. Here are some reasons to try something else instead

  • When your husband doesn't want to talk about your marriage
  • If money is tight
    • Counseling can be expensive and it can add to the stress in your marriage
  • The counselor doesn't seem to help
    • Not all counselors are equal. Some aren't the right fit for your marriage. The good news here is that there are usually a few around and you can try someone else instead
  • If you don't believe counseling works
    • Counseling does help marriages. But if you don't think it will work from the start, then it will only be something to blame, it could actually make things worse. You will need to deal with this first, or use books instead.

Why you should seek counseling

All couples desire to have a healthy, fulfilling family life, but at times this goal can be challenging to achieve. Once in a while, you and your spouse may need to seek marriage counseling so that you can begin living the life you have always dreamed of.

If you feel that your relationship is not going in the intended direction, it is important that you take a step back and talk to someone that can help you work through the challenges.

Counseling has been proven to have immense benefits:

  • The couple gets impartial advice.
    • Having dealt with a wide range of marital issues, the counselor can offer practical tips on how to work on the various problem areas of a marriage
  • Counseling provides a safe environment for honesty.
    • When there is marital discord, the homes become the battleground for marriage. At that point, honesty can inflict pain and anger if it is not delivered in the appropriate setting. Counseling offers a safe environment free from judgment.
  • Counseling provides an opportunity to unburden resentment and frustration
    • These are some of the toxic emotions that poison every aspect of your relationship. A good therapist helps couples to pour out their anger so that they can solve their issues effectively.
  • Counseling helps couples to explore their problems from a new perspective and learn practical ways to resolve conflicts.
  • Therapy assists couples with the tools to build trust and improve communication in their relationship.

Seeking professional intervention for your marriage is prudent. Confronting the issues in your marriage now will save it from destruction in the future.

Research indicates that a couple who splits up will be financially worse off, and their children are more likely to have academic and behavioral problems in the future.

When to go for therapy  

When it comes to seeking marriage therapy, timing is everything. Many couples wait until the problems in the marriages have become too severe before they can seek for help.

Consider this:

Your precious vase can quickly be fixed with a little bonding material when the crack is two inches. The bonding material can be discretely applied on the inside, and it may not even be visible from the outside. But, what happens when you wait until your vase has 12 cracks running in all directions?

Many times, therapy fails because couples go to therapy when things are so bad; they have one foot and several toes out of the door. Indeed, some couples only go to therapy to confirm that they have done all they can to fix their marriage. They only want to justify the decision to leave their marriage.

According to Dr. John Gottman, couples wait for an average of six years of being miserable in their marriage before they seek help. He concludes that therapy could help to save more marriages if couples sought therapy before their relationships were in critical condition.

Sometimes the issues in a marriage could be too ingrained for the therapy to be effective. Timing is an essential element that will determine whether counseling will work or not.

To optimize the outcome of therapy

To get the most out of marriage counseling you and your spouse need to have the right attitude and goals. You should set specific goals to help you individually contribute to the success of the therapy.

Also:

Be open about your emotions

The most common source of marital discord is when spouses do not disclose how their partner’s actions make them feel. Couples need to understand that a huge part of the process is to talk openly about their emotions, which will be both difficult and uncomfortable

Find the right counselor

Research shows that in the hands of a good counselor, marriage therapy is effective 70 – 80% of the time. Ensure your counselor has the right credentials. All therapists must be licensed to practice therapy. This will vary from country to country.

However, experts recommend working with someone who specializes in marriage counseling- at least 30% of their practice should be on marriage therapy. They have seen and heard it all, and they will roll up their sleeves and help you.

The cost of marriage counseling

The cost of marital counseling will depend on the professional you decide to work with. Refer to the table below to find out how much your preferred professional is likely to cost you:

Mental Health Professional Background Cost Per Session
Licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) Holds at least a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy $65 – $250
Licensed professional counselor / nationally certified counselor (LPC / NIC) Holds at least a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology or Social Work $5 – $300
Psychologist (PsyP) Holds a doctorate degree in psychology $75 – $156 per session, sometimes $200

In Summary…

It seems as if people are generally living in unsatisfying marriages. This doesn’t have to happen to yours.

Your marriage doesn’t have to be unfulfilling, mediocre or common. However, it takes a great deal of commitment and determination from both you and your spouse to maintain a rewarding relationship.

If you feel that you are struggling to maintain the connection you once had with your spouse, do not hesitate to seek marriage therapy.

A good therapist will assist you to compromise, appreciate one another and rediscover the compassion and empathy that the two of you share.  

And if you don't think marriage therapy is a good fit, then try reading what experts have to say, so you can apply that to your marriage