5 Things a Woman Does to Push a Man Away

Things a Woman Does to Push a Man Away - Man walking away from wife

NO ONE SETS OUT TO SABOTAGE their relationship. We all want our marriages and relationships to work.

However, our actions do not always reflect this reality. With all your good efforts, you could be unconsciously driving your husband away.

So exactly what is driving him away? Here are the things that you can control that push him away.

The things that women do to push their husbands away

You are too needy

When you have been married for some time, you may feel the need to cling to your husband to maintain your relationship. You could also be needy because you are responding to a change that you have observed in your husband.

It is also likely that you feel an emptiness that you think that only your husband can fill for you. Unfortunately, your husband can only do so much for you, and if he is already giving you loads of attention, your clinginess and anxiety is bound to be frustrating.

Neediness will push your husband away. It is very exhausting to have to assure another person continually. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, needy people become so dependent and clingy that they drive their partners away. Excessive need for assurance and affection is such a burden to have to deal with on a daily basis.

According to Psychology Today, there are two significant causes of neediness:

  • One’s childhood: Did you consistently lose the battle for attention from your parents when you were a child? Could it be that your dad was never home? Or you were probably bullied in school, and you still carry scars. All these wounds can trigger the desperation to cling on the one person that you know loves you – your husband.
  • You have fostered rejection in your husband: You were perfectly fine until you fell in love. Then you became vulnerable, and you started worrying that he will leave. So, you began to cling even harder. But your clingy dependency annoys him, and he distances himself. So you become desperate, and you push even more. He gets no space because you always need to talk, and you always need an answer.

You have the right to your husband’s attention

You have a right to receive attention from your husband. However, how you ask for it matters a lot. If you feel that your husband is not attentive, explain calmly the kind of attention you need. Then give positive feedback when you get the attention.

Also, make a point of addressing issues as they arise. This improves the psychological wellbeing of both you, and enhances the quality of your marriage.

Do not place the burden of your happiness on your husband. When you expect your husband to be your completion, then you become terrified of losing him.

Your marriage should not be your sole source of joy in this world because you will then inevitably cling to it desperately. Desperation smothers the life out of love and kills attraction and a marriage.

Denying your husband space

Space issues plague every couple at one time or another. Many couples have grappled with questions of how much time to spend together and how much physical affection each partner desires.

You are a couple, and not clones

Many couples make the mistake of thinking that they should spend all their time together. Some spouses even believe that they should have the same needs and desires since they are married. Patricia Farrell, the author of ‘How to be Your Own Therapist,’ indicates that couples should find the balance between togetherness and individuality. A couple must figure out where the ‘us’ and the ‘I’ begin.

Marriage therapists indicate that time apart from your husband can inject a new life to your togetherness. Wendy Allen, a psychotherapist, says that for a marriage to be whole, each partner should endeavor to be a healthy, whole individual who consequently will make positive contributions to the marriage.

Christopher Knippers, the author of ‘Cultivating Confidence,’ indicates that physical and emotional space is a basic human need. As such, when any of the partners assume that all their needs will be fulfilled through their spouse, they set up their relationship for disappointment and failure.

So,

When your husband requests for more space, be assured that he is not rejecting you. It is just something that he needs for himself – and – ultimately for you.

Do not:

  • Call him every single hour
  • Ask him where he is every minute
  • Get angry if he delays to text you back
  • Show up at his job unannounced now and then
  • Act hurt when he doesn’t invite you to hang out with his friends
  • Insist that you share hobbies

Try to box your husband into a corner and watch how fast you will lose him

You are too judgemental

How you treat your husband when you are hurt can either bring the two of you closer together or drive a massive wedge between the two of you.

How do you handle disappointments by your husband? Do you yell at him, stomp around, roll your eyes at him or enter the silent sulk mode whenever he makes a mistake?

Everyone makes mistakes in a relationship, and it is perfectly fine to bring it your husband’s attention when it happens. However, judging him harshly and berating him every single time will not only demoralize your husband but also alienate him.

  • I would like you to sit back and ask yourself some questions:
  • How does it benefit you to belittle your husband constantly?
  • Why do you feel the need to micromanage the way he does every little thing?
  • Are you accomplishing anything by being overly critical of him?
  • Is it reasonable for you to expect your husband to do everything just the way you want it?
  • And how does your constant judgment benefit your husband? Does it make him think, ‘Wow! I am sure am glad my wife is always here to set me straight!’

Being critical of your husband will only create more distance between the two of you. Purpose to always give him the benefit of the doubt, laugh things off and make it work with what you have.

Being entitled

One of the biggest turn off for a husband is a wife who acts entitled. Your husband will love that you have high standards, but he still wants you to appreciate him. According to marital experts, men absolutely crave appreciation. Appreciation is the essential fuel that a man needs to keep going in a relationship.

Entitlement and ungratefulness are probably the most unattractive traits in your husband’s eyes. Appreciating you man opens him up and activates his desire to bond with you and commit to the marriage.

Engaging in a power struggle with your husband

Are you the kind of wife who always wants to prove that she is smart, independent and tough? It irritates your husband when you are constantly trying to upstage him. Power struggle takes many forms:

  • Competing with him in disagreements – who gets the last word?
  • Always being condescending – cutting down your husband’s thoughts and opinions
  • Flaunting your career, education, and money to be the superior person in the relationship. These kind of behavior are a complete turnoff. A power struggle is an energy drain for your husband and your relationship. You and your husband are a team. Don’t ever forget that.

In Summary

Take stock of how you treat your husband. If you have some bad, it is only a matter of time before you push your husband away.

Be kind, show your husband compassion, respect him and be responsible for your happiness. Being mindful of these small things will significantly help you to strengthen the bond with your husband.         

How to Get Your Husband to Notice You Again

How to get your husband to notice you again - husband looking at wife in kitchen

EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE GETTING the best of him, except you…

When you first met and got married there seemed no end to the amount of attention he gave you. Years later, you feel neglected.

How did you get to be the invisible wife?

Before we come to the solution, it is essential to explore the reasons why your husband has distanced himself from you:

Why your husband may have stopped noticing you

  1. He is distracted. There are many things that your husband may be preoccupied with to the extent of becoming oblivious to your presence. Is your Husband:
    • Anxious about his health?
    • Feeling some extra stress from the workplace, which is soaking up all his attention?
    • Obsessed with a particular hobby or activity?
  2. He is taking you for granted. It is possible that after years of being together, your husband loves you and really cares about you, but he has just become lazy about showing you how important you are to him.
  3. Your husband’s expectations for marriage are not being met. While this may be difficult to hear, it is possible that your husband is unhappy with your relationship. If your husband feels that his emotional and physical needs are not being fulfilled, it is no wonder he has pulled away

How to get your husband to notice you again

You want to feel that you are the centre of your husband’s world, and you deserve it. The good news is that you can retain the spark in your bond for a long time. However, it is not without effort.

1. Respect him like a King

  • Have you been a diva, disrespecting your husband in the process?
  • Have you take out your frustrations on your husband in public?
  • Do you try to control him and/or micro-manage him?

These points (and ones like these) can drive even the most patient man away.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him; and that you value and admire him. The most sure fire way to lose your man is to make him feel consistently disrespected. Alternatively, you will easily win back your husband’s attention if you look for ways you can show him respect.

Be attentive to your husband when he talks. When your husband is talking to you, give him your full attention: put your phone down, mute the T.V, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Always express your appreciation for everything that your husband does for you.

Do not put your husband down and do not make fun of him in front of others. Also, never speak ill of your husband to other people.

Always respect his intentions and efforts and put your questions and criticism positively.

2. Rekindle the romance

Many problems in a relationship start in the bedroom. How frequent is your sex? Does your husband feel desired?

  • Seduce your husband and bring back the romance to your marriage.
  • Arrange to send the kids away for the weekend or night and enjoy the freedom of being as creative as you like.
  • Wear that sexy lingerie

There are plenty of ways to seduce your husband, and you don’t even have to overthink. The most important thing is to put in the effort. Your husband will see it, and he will surely reciprocate.

3. Touch your husband more

Touching is a vital ingredient in maintaining physical affection in a relationship. When the touch is missing, the marriage begins to feel too much like a friendship, which is precisely what you do not want to happen.

Touching:

  • reates emotional intimacy in your relationship.
  • Makes partners feel safe
  • Builds trust
  • Creates feelings of love, compassion and reward

The non-sexual touch between you and your husband will lead to greater sexual intimacy, and your husband will never be able to resist you. What’s more, touch leads to more touching and the desire to be touched even more.

Touch him more. Touch him regularly

4. Let your husband chase you again

Marital experts have emphasized often enough that men have a natural urge to hunt. They like the excitement of the chase. Have you been providing him with the opportunity to chase you? The more you chase him, the more he will fight to get away; the harder you squeeze, the harder he will wiggle to get away.

Find a way to give your husband some space: Go out of town for the weekend, or pull back and give him a breather. Just get a life. Do you remember all the fun things you used to do before you got married? Start doing them again. Give your husband the space to miss you and chase you.

5. Use Your words

Words are powerful: they can be a dangerous weapon in your relationship, but they also have the creative power to heal.

You are part of the creator of the reality in your relationship. If you are always criticizing your husband, you are not only driving him further away but also affirming the outcome that you do not want, ‘You never pay attention to me, you no longer care about me …' You are not only wounding your husband but also speaking death into your relationship.

You readily encourage and compliment your children. Why is it so hard to do the same for your husband? Intentionally see good things in him, appreciate him and be thankful for the ways he adds to your life.

Saying things like, ‘I appreciate you giving me so much attention, I love how you are attentive to me' will give you a much better outcome.

In Summary

Something needs to happen for you to realize the relationship that you desire

Do you want your husband to notice you? Notice him. Inspire him. Motivate him. You will create the husband you want and the relationship you long for.

The 10 Best Books About Love And Relationships to Help You Understand Your Man

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

books about love and relationships - Woman reading with man in library

IT'S FUNNY HOW AS MEN we expect our partners to know…

    • What we're thinking
    • How we're feeling
      and
    • What our expectations are

But for some reason… we don't tell our partners

Here to reveal what actually makes us tick are the 10 insightful books below

They'll to turn you from ‘Nun-level-man-knowledge' into a ‘Man-psychic'

Although when you get there, I wouldn't start explaining to your husband what he's going to do next…

Enjoy

1. His Secret Obsession – James Bauer

Discover his single most important drive in life

His Secret Obsession - Digital copies only available

What is the missing ingredient in your marriage? Do you suffer from a lack of communication, romance, or sex?

While all of these issues are very important, James Bauer's breakthrough book, ‘His Secret Obsession‘ reveals the one amazing factor that WILL make a MAJOR difference in your relationship.

If you are tired of your man being cold and standoffish, then this is the one book you need to read! Learn:

  • What men secretly want but will never tell you
  • How to enjoy a deeper more loving relationship
  • How you can get his attention the right way by using some simple conversation starters

Read my in-depth review here or go straight to the website

2. Text the Romance Back – Michael Fiore

How to really capture his attention…

Text the Romance Back - Michael Fiore

Does it seem like you and your significant other have watched the romance in your relationship slowly slip away?

Michael Fiore will show you how to put modern technology to work for you. He explains how texting lends itself to recreating that connected feeling and how you can Text the Romance” back into your relationship.

Discover:

  • Why the way couples communicate makes it the main reason so many marriages fall apart
  • The 8 different types of text messages that he has no choice but to listen to
  • Done-for-you messages that you can send within 5 minutes of receiving your copy of ‘Text the Romance Back

Read a more in-depth review here or get your copy here

3. Devotion System – Amy North

Get your man to recommit….

The Devotion System - Amy North

There's nothing more demoralizing than being in a relationship in which your partner decides he isn't sure what he wants

If you are tired of feeling like your man is waiting to see what the wind might blow in then “The Devotion System” is just what you need

Learn;

  • Why men pull away
  • How to put texting to work to draw him in
  • How to get your man to dream about spending the rest of his life with you

This book is easy to follow and comes with several bonuses. Grab your copy here and rediscover how to keep him devoted to you

There's also a detailed review here.

4. For Women Only- Shaunti Feldhahn

A Christian guide to understanding men

Most men keep their feelings close to their chest. And while he might not want to talk about them, he still wants you to “get” him

In “For Women Only“, best-selling author Shaunti Feldhahn explains men from a Christian viewpoint in a way that's easy to follow and simple to understand.

This book is filled with practical ideas that have helped millions around the world make successful changes to their relationship. Including;

• Why your respect means more to him than your love
• How he feels deep inside about his role as provider
• What it means for a man to be so visually “wired”
• Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical
• What he most wishes he could say to you

What are you waiting for? Get your copy and read other reviews here

5. The Male Brain – Louann Brezindine

A scientific look at the male brain

Ever wondered why boys can't sit still and why their interest in the physical side of sex is so strong?

In this breakthrough follow-up to her best-selling book “The Female Brain,” author Louann Brezindine uses easy to understand anecdotes to decode the male mind.

In doing so, she turns scientific gobbledygook into an enjoyable read. Learn:

  • How hormones affect men as they reach puberty
  • The cutting-edge research that overturns everything you thought you knew about the male brain
  • The typical male stereotypes that don't exist anymore

This book is a bit broader than the others, so if you're into a more holistic approach to the subject of men get your copy here

6. What We Guys Really Want, Really – Bryan Bruce

How to make him happy…

In his ‘ultimate guide to the male psychology and sexual behavior', Bryan Bruce delves the reader deep into the male psyche

And the outcome is that it's not as complex as many women think it is. In fact in this book you will learn:

  • The truth behind why men cheat
  • Why they are afraid of committing
  • How men reveal their real selves just by their actions

Based on scientific research, useful and loaded with good advice this book is definitely a primer for those who want to keep their man

The only caveat is that it does make men look a little simple in places. But if you want to keep it simple, then he will thank you for reading this (in his own way that you'll only understand by reading this).

Get your copy here.

7. Texts So Good He Can't Ignore – Bruce Bryans

Texts so good he'll be begging to see you….

Everyone says texting has no feeling, yet in “Texts So Good He Can't Ignore You,” Bruce Bryans teaches you how to use a mans emotions to capture his attention.

He shows you how to make your texts to men stand out from those ones you usually send about picking up some more milk. Learn:

  • How men appraise the texts sent by a woman
  • How to flirt and tease your way to becoming his number one priority
  • Sample texts you can copy and send to get instant results

Bruce will show you how your texts can make him pursue you again like he used to.

When you're ready to make the most out of every text, then your copy for ‘Texts So Good He Can't Ignore' is here

8. The 7 Irresistible Qualities Men Want in A Woman – Bruce Bryans

Learn what it takes to get a man to commit

In his concise book, Bruce Bryans talks about what a “high-quality” man wants in his mate.

To do this, Bruce shows you how to understand what your man is interested. He also covers plenty of other topics including:

  • Learn what it takes to get a man to commit
  • How to keep your man happy
  • What real men find attractive

This book is more opinion than fact and is written primarily for single women, but has enough advice for relationships to be relevant here.

Want to know what the 7 qualities are? Find out here.

9. He Comes Next – Ian Kenner PhD

The thinking woman's guide to pleasuring a man….

In this follow up to his smash hit bestseller “She Comes First,” author Ian Kenner discusses what it takes to turn a man on and keep him turned on

Included is how to get your man to relax and enjoy a full range of stimulation rather than focusing on his erection (or lack thereof) and orgasm (or lack thereof)

Ian goes step-by-step with clear, concise details for every technique he discusses in the book with the goal of teaching you how to give your man the ultimate in sexual pleasure. He also covers:

  • What he wants to tell you about pleasing him, but can't
  • The inside of a man's mind when he is aroused
  • How love and sex are interconnected for men

This book has had some mixed reviews, but overall the information is good. Get your copy and start pleasing him how he wants to be pleased here.

10. Secret Survey – Michael Fiore

The ultimate guide to understanding men….

Secret Survey - Michael Fiore

Secret Survey by Michael Fiore is the perfect program for any woman who has ever felt lost, confused, even overwhelmed when trying to deal with men

It is a step-by-step, full-length guide to relationships and what you should be doing to make a long-term relationship work

Written for women, this guide is designed to help you better understand the male psyche and to put this knowledge to work for you. Included is:

  • Why you've been lied to by every man you've ever met and what they've lied about
  • What your husband actually thinks about you
  • How to interpret ‘men speak' and the real reason why men are so difficult to understand

Very easy to follow and understand this book covers a lot of questions about the man and men in your life. Get your copy here.

In Summary

Thanks for reading my best books about love and relationships recommendations. They are worth reading and I do keep this list updated. If you have anything to add, you can contact me here.

7 Things Every Husband Desires From His Wife… But Will Never Ask

Ways to Make a Man Feel Deeply Attached To You - Let him know you appreciate what he is doing

things every husband desires from his wife - Let him know you appreciate what he is doing

HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE TO have your dream guy desire you and only you forever? To never fear that he will be attracted to other women while he is in a relationship with you…

While attracting his attention is one thing, getting him to develop a deep emotional attachment to you is another.

Why emotional attachment?

Emotional attachment is what will make a guy want to spend the rest of his life with you. It is what will make him go out of his way to make you happy.

Indeed, it is this attachment that will motivate your man to yearn to spend as much quality time with you as possible. It is because of emotional intimacy that your man will be blind to the miniskirts and push-up bras all around him, and come home to you every night.

It’s when he chooses you because he feels something he cannot get with anyone else. It’s on another level to physical attraction, commonalities or even compatibility. And it’s the level you want to be on to keep your dream guy coming back to you.

So how do you play at this level? Here are the 7 rungs to the emotional attachment ladder you need to climb to get there

things every husband desires from his wife - Make time for him

1. Believe that love can last forever

There is nothing as painful as losing your man to someone else. While statistics on the success of relationships are not encouraging, research shows that many couples are still deeply in love after decades together. Scientists say that love can last – much more than we give it credit for.

Indeed, research in neuroscience has proven that intense romantic love can last a lifetime. It is, therefore, possible to not only get into a great relationship with your dream man, but it is also possible to nurture a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship. The secret is in creating a deep emotional intimacy with him.

2. Change your mindset

Many women work hard to attract the men of their dreams, but deep down they do not believe that they can experience long-lasting relationships. Your mindset is critical to the success of your relationship.

Consider the following beliefs that some of us hamper:

  • A man will always look for something more outside the relationship.
  • It is not going to work out, men always leave.
  • A man will always feel attraction for other women. 80% of long-term relationships fail anyway.
  • One woman cannot meet all the needs of a man.

These kinds of negative thoughts will sabotage your relationship even before it has started. If you bring fear, doubt, and reservation to your relationship, you will never form a deep emotional attachment to your partner.

Your mindset will determine the fate of your relationship. To develop a deep attachment to your man, you have to come from a position of power and faith.

Here is an interesting fact:

As a woman, you are always influencing your partner. No matter what is happening around you, you can fulfill a man so much that he is so attracted to you that he does not notice any other woman. Haven’t you heard of men who have stuck to their wives like glue for life, completely in love?

You must have enough be confidence in yourself to believe that you can be enough for one man; forever. Once you have this confidence, you will attract commitment and devotion from your man.

You have no idea how much influence you have on your man when you dare to acknowledge that you already have it within you to be more than enough for your man for life.

3. Worship your man in the bedroom

To make a man feel deeply attracted to you, make him feel like your personal sex deity. Men love sex because it boosts their ego. For a man, sex is not just a physical activity.

Fact: A man who is in a serious relationship equates sex with love. It is his way of connecting with you. During sex, the bonding hormone: dopamine is released. During those intimate moments, oxytocin is also produced. Oxytocin is responsible for increasing a man’s attraction for you.

If you know your man well enough, you can keep these bonding chemicals flowing in his brain:

  • Discover your man’s sexual triggers and how to push his buttons to make him obsessed with you. Be open with your sexual affection.
  • Touch and caress your man lovingly and tenderly whenever an opportunity arises. This soothes him and invites him into an emotional connection.
  • Learn how to receive your man’s touch. Whenever your man touches you, relax into it like butter on a hot blade. Melt in his warmth.
  • Don’t be afraid to initiate sex. This excites your man and shows him that you want him as much as he wants you.

4. Become his haven

Through the passage of time, men have been elevated to close to perfection status: The ‘knight in shining armor syndrome.’ The man is expected to be strong, complete and whole in all the areas of his life. This has put tremendous pressure on many men. Many women attach a person to their man that he cannot possibly live up to.

The man has been denied the opportunity to have weaknesses, to cry, to fail, to be human. What unrealistic expectations many women have for their men! The truth is, like any other human being, your man needs a soft place to fall.

  • Offer him emotional and physical safety. Has he had a bad day? The moment he gets home, he should feel that he is walking into his haven. In your presence, he is not judged, and he feels protected from the world. Your emotional bond will never be broken.
  • Give him space to let his emotions out. The more your man can be himself around you, the more emotionally attached he will become.
  • Keep your man’s secrets. When he knows that he can come to you and share whatever is in his mind, you will become his confidant; his best friend. If he truly feels in his heart that he can trust you, he will never feel the need to stray away. He will genuinely let his guard down and become even more attached to you.

Teach your man that you have his back, that he can trust you like no other person on this planet. You will form an emotional bond that no one and nothing can break.

Rather than feel terribly disappointed when your man falls short, ask yourself, ‘how better you can support him?’

5. Build his adrenaline

Boredom can be a massive obstacle to emotional connection. You will form a stronger emotional bond if you keep things interesting. Research shows that couples who experience strong emotional attachment are those who enjoy participating in challenging and new activities.

In a relationship, you will sometimes get into those grey areas where nothing exciting is going on. Shaking things up now and then with something exciting is a good idea. When you get your man’s heart pumping, it tricks his brain into thinking that his excitement is arousal at being with you. This creates a deeper connection with you.

Remember: it is not how much time you spend together. It is how you spend the time that will increase your emotional attachment. And it does not have to be something elaborate. Seek out simple mentally challenging ways to break and spice up your daily routines.

6. Be supportive of his time alone

According to author Deborah Tannen, suffocating a man by denying him some free time is the fastest way to kill a relationship. A man needs breathing room in a relationship for his hobbies, his friends and to tail away on his projects so that he can feel fulfilled.

Dr. Rick Nauert says that giving a man space is especially important if he is under stress. He needs time to concentrate, reflect and figure out the next step.

  • If you can learn to sense when your man needs a break, all the better. Always set a time when your man will be back and make plans for later. You will always have more to talk about.
  • Smile when he says he is off to his man cave; give him a kiss. Your man will always feel seen, heard and treasured.

Finally,

7. Always make him feel like he is your hero

Men want to be needed. He wants to feel like he adds to your life something that you cannot get anywhere else.

Have your man do things for you. Even if you can open that jar by yourself, having him open it will make him feel great about himself and more connected to you. Your man needs you to need him in your life. Period.

Praise your guy for all his accomplishments. You need to be his number one fan. He will want to excel in everything including your relationship. The emotional intimacy will grow because he knows he will always get a pat on his back.

Express gratitude for all the things he does for you. He does not make an effort to make you happy for no reason. Do not just be grateful for the nice things that he does for you, but for all his sacrifices out there to make you happy.

Affirm your man: Let him know that you believe that he can do whatever he puts his mind to because of all the fantastic qualities that he possesses. Men have tender egos. A man needs frequent reassurance about himself: his attractiveness, his career path, and his efficacy as a partner. So let your praise loose.

Fact: The more your praise his positives, the more you will see them.

Remember, creating a deep connection with your man is all about engaging and connecting with him on ways that stimulate him.

Focus your attention on your man now and then and ask yourself how you can make him feel special. If you do this it will help you will effortlessly thrive in your relationship.

When he feels special, he will go out of his way to do things for you.

  • Do the small things around the house that only you would notice
  • Take more pride in the jobs he does around the house and do them better
  • Put more of his focus on you and what you want… in every room of the house

And all of this comes from really getting him and understanding how he thinks about things. Especially commitment and relationships.

This eye-opening video demonstrates the power of understanding him fully.

It is a real game-changer

Thanks for reading my guide on things every husband desires from his wife. If you have any comments queries or questions you can contact me here.

“I Want to be a Mother so Badly… But He Wants to Wait” – What to Do When Your Maternal Drives are Determined but Your Partner Isn’t

'I want to be a mother so badly' - woman dreaming of having a baby

'I want to be a mother so badly-but he wants to wait' - woman dreaming of having a baby is thinking of baby and what to tell husband

Do you know research suggests that babies are designed to be adorable, so they appeal to our parental instincts? The cuteness forces us to give the babies the constant attention they need to survive.

MANY WOMEN HAVE BEEN where you are. When the longing to have a baby is overwhelming…

You already have visions of you mothering this incredible small human being. You constantly think of values you want to instill in your child, and of late you have found yourself googling ‘Private vs. Public schools.

But he says it’s not to be, not right now

He believes that something is holding the two of you back. Whether it be your careers, your relationship status, your living circumstances, your physical and emotional wellbeing, your financial situation… And even though it can be hell, it’s worth the wait.

To look at it from his side, it is true that once you have a child, your life is never the same again.

Parenthood has altered many people’s lives positively while others deeply regret welcoming new life into the world. In an interview, one parent readily admitted to being too much selfish to genuinely care for their child. They felt their child deserved better. Another dad indicated that he simply hated being a parent. Other parents confessed that if they had the opportunity to go back, they would take it.

I want to be a mother so badly - Older mother with her child

Parenthood is a profound and life-changing experience.

Parenthood is the world’s craziest roller coaster. There is, therefore, no reason to jump the gun on the process. As with any other superpower, the power of motherhood demands great responsibility. It is worth thinking about and dwelling on until you know for sure that when to have a baby is the right choice for the both of you, and your child.

A word of encouragement: You may think you are running out of time, but you are not. Research indicates that since 1970, the birthrate among mothers between 35 – 39 years has risen from 1% to 14.2%.

So how will you conquer that raging baby fever?

Before we continue, let us agree that motherhood is not like any other venture; like starting a new business or starting a new job. It is about creating a new person.

As much as there is no perfect time to have a child, it helps to stack the odds in your favor. Start by cultivating an amazing relationship with yourself, because you will need the whole of you to take care of your child. Do not settle at being a functional human being, be a thriving woman.

Stop shopping already

You are not being fair to yourself by perusing all those websites that are devoted to taunting you with the cuteness that is baby stuff: Etsy, Target Baby, Faith Baby, and Marshmallow Kisses. Stop taking strolls to the baby shops. And whatever you do, do not buy or accept (from well-meaning friends) any baby stuff.

Stop reading mommy blogs

Worse than looking at and buying beautiful baby things that you do not need is reading about mothers and their experiences. Soaking up their lives, how much they adore their babies and how they are, oh, so glad they have their children, will drive you up the wall.

While at it, avoid shows that transport you smack dab in the middle of other women’s pregnancies, deliveries and children. It is being cruel to yourself. After the episode, the mothers go on with their lives while you go back to yours. Only the difference is, they get to keep the baby while you fuel your baby fever.

If you cannot be around people’s babies without swallowing a lump in your throat, keep off.

Some people may tell you that hanging around babies and witnessing the running noses, the temper tantrums, and dirty diapers will cure you of baby fever. This could not be further from the truth. Ha! If you truly long to have a baby, these things will actually intensify your desire.

The last thought

It is important that when your child comes that they are supported by both parents. If this means waiting a little while, while you keep at your partner to change his mind then so be it. It isn't good for your relationship to not be in agreement on something as big as this. It will only send him away and make him feel more like a passenger than an active participant.

Meanwhile, work on being the best version of yourself so that you can give an innocent little human being the best shot at a great life.

If you are interested in knowing more about how to change your husband's mind, then you can see a short video on what makes men tick here. It's a great insight into men and why they do what they do. It can help in situations like this where you want to see his real point of view and what he's really thinking and feeling, but he won't come straight out and tell you (which, let's be honest, is most of the time).

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