I CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING MORE HEARTBREAKING and painful than having your partner check out of your marriage.
Right now you may be angry and frustrated, scared and helpless. What’s more, you may be feeling like a loser.
However, I want you to know that you are not alone. Consider the following statistics:
- 32 million people are experiencing challenges in their marriages right now.
- 87% of the people in troubled marriages do not want to end their marriage, but they have no idea what to do.
You are not alone!
There is absolutely nothing unique about your situation. Even the strongest marriage can get off track because of various reasons: Mismatch of expectations, stresses of life, and attachment injuries.
But even that which seems like an impossible situation can be turned around. Marriages have risen from the throes of separation and grown to become beautiful, fulfilling relationships.
You can save your marriage
It must feel like a helpless cause especially when your husband repeatedly says it is over. Sometimes he may even yell it. He probably becomes furious when you attempt to talk about it.
Many of us have thought that since your husband is the one who wants out, there is absolutely nothing that can be done. You believe that all that is left is to wait and see what he decides. This is simply not true.
Marriage takes two people to build and in the same way, two people have to agree that it is over. The truth is that one committed partner can make a huge difference in a relationship. So what will you do to save your marriage?
Do not panic
Yes, he has said it is over, and yes he has moved out. Still, I say, do not panic. Stop for a minute and breathe. And then treat this like a break. Many couples have greatly benefited from some breathing room to get a fresh perspective on their relationship.
Temporary separations are not new. Statistics indicate that 2.3 percent of married couples have been separated at one point in their marriage. However, you must discuss some boundaries with your husband:
- How often will you see each other?
- Will you date other people?
- What do you tell the children?
Ultimately, the separation can be a time of tremendous personal growth. It also takes away the sense of being trapped in the marriage for your husband. Resentment dissipates, and he can be his objective self once again.
Do not chase after your husband
Many women that are holding onto the marriage start acting in desperate ways when their husband announces that he is leaving: they beg, plead, cajole, guilt trip him and implore him. They make endless phone calls, send numerous text messages and emails.
These efforts will fail miserably. Let me tell you why:
- When you are doing all these things, your husband interprets them as pressure. He will, therefore, dig in his heels, insisting that the marriage is over. The more you coerce him, the more he feels trapped, and then the more he wants to flee.
- Your begging and pleading are making you appear desperate and unattractive. You cannot be attractive when you are falling apart emotionally.
- Human compassion drives people away from people whose pain they have caused, especially when they have no intention of stopping the action that is causing the pain.
- If your husband wants out, there are aspects of the marriage that he was gravely uncomfortable with. The marriage you have was making him miserable; sounds cruel but I am sorry it has to be said. So tell me, why on earth would he want to return to that same unfulfilling marriage?
Here’s is what you should do instead:
- Agree with your husband that you also no longer want the marriage you had because at least one of you was unhappy.
- Agree that the marriage should be over.
- Inform him that you want to start a new relationship with him.
This allows you and your husband to get on the same page. Your husband will feel the relief, and this has the potential to restart the entire marriage saving conversation.
Get a life
Separation is one of the most painful times we can experience. You will naturally be inclined to become depressed. You will most likely be in tears half of the time, mope around sadly and probably lose all interest in the things you used to enjoy. However, how helpful is this going to be? How can you get your marriage out of the ditch if you continue like this?
So, yes, you are in the worst pain and heartbreak, but it is absolutely important that you get a life. Choose to be ridiculously happy right now. Roll up your sleeves and do whatever you have to do make yourself feel inspired and alive. And laugh once again. I cannot emphasize this enough. Purpose to reclaim a small part of your life by having some pleasurable moments every day.
A quick question: when you inevitably meet your husband due to various engagements; which one do you think he will like more? The happy you or the you who is gorging her eyes out in misery?
So, become the best version of yourself. What are the characteristics that made you attractive to your husband all those years ago? Reflect and resurrect those attributes. Go on and become daring, charming and adventuresome once again. This sad situation can be an incredible opportunity for your husband to fall in love with you again.
Clarify what you need to change
Yes, your husband is the one who is misbehaving. However, there is a need to inspect your side of the street to see if there are messes that you need to sort out. Were you too critical of him? Have you been making any angry comments? Check with your husband. The next course of action; map out a plan for fixing every single item on your list.
By the way: have sex, lots of it. But only when your husband initiates it. During sexual connection, bonding hormones are released. Use them to your advantage.
By now, your husband thinks you have had an awakening. You are no longer nasty, angry or cold. You now have a life, and you are feeling good and healthy again. You have rediscovered your joy. You are taking care of yourself and becoming a better person.
He will become curious. He will want to spend more time with you. He might even have a change of heart and come back home. While it may not happen overnight, all thoughts and talks of divorce could be forgotten. You only need to pace yourself and be patient.
Regardless of how bad things between you and your husband are, your marriage can be saved. It is not only possible to repair your marriage, but you can indeed turn things around, rekindle your love and build a healthy lasting relationship.
Even though your husband has given up, you have the most important thing going for you: commitment.
Remember, you are not alone, and it is not over until it is over.
Best of luck.
If you have any questions or queries you can get in contact here.