WHEN YOU THINK YOUR MARRIAGE is in trouble, it's natural to want all the information you can gather
The fact is that there is only one person who can provide you with this information – your husband. Unfortunately, the highest likelihood is that he will not be forthcoming…
He may still be undecided
Your husband may not be talking about divorce because he has genuinely not decided if he is going to leave. There may be times when he is away from you and he is sure that he wants to leave. But when he spends time with you or he sees the children, he changes his mind and wishes things could go well between you.
Also, if your husband really cares about your marriage, he may still want to give your marriage the best chance for survival. Even if you press him for information, what you get may be premature because he also doesn't know what he wants at this point.
10 Signs your husband wants a divorce
All marriages go through phases of doubts, fights, blame, and tension. Just because you are going through a difficult period in your marriage does not mean that your marriage is in trouble.
Some signs of a breaking marriage are obvious while others are subtle. Noticing warning signs is essential in salvaging your marriage or ensuring that you do not get the short end of the stick should your husband go through with the divorce.
1. There is no communication
One of the pillars of a healthy marriage is effective communication. Although lack of communication may have contributed to the deterioration of your relationship, further changes in your husband’s communication patterns may signal that it is truly over.
2. He attacks you instead of the problem
When you discuss the issues in your marriage;
- Does your husband do it in a way that implies something is wrong with you?
- Are you always wrong while he is always right?
- Does he end up attacking your character or personality instead of focusing on the issues?
- Does he use generalization; ‘you always,’ ‘you never…….’
- Do you lately feel under attack from your husband anytime you have a serious discussion?
This is could be an indication that your husband is no longer interested in the marriage.
3. Your husband expresses his contempt towards you
You will notice that his comments towards you have changed from affectionate to critical. He will criticize your weight, appearance and everything else in between.
Does your husband mock you, call you names, roll his eyes or becomes hurtfully sarcastic when you bring issues up? Does he attack your self-worth? Your husband is no longer interested in solving issues, an indication that he is no longer interested in this marriage.
4. Your husband is always on the defensive
Your husband treats every discussion like an attack. He keeps acting like a victim and makes lots of excuses. He will ignore everything you say and counter it with complaints. He will also stonewall and walk out of conversations.
These signs show that your husband is no longer interested in communicating with you and he no longer cares about how your arguments turn out. They also indicate that he thinks that finding a solution is pointless.
This behavior also shows that your husband has stopped caring and he is unwilling to put any more emotional investment in something he no longer believes in.
5. Change of focus
Is your husband spending more time away from home than normal? Has he put more of himself into his work, business, children, friendships or hobbies? Does he seem to care more about his appearance? Has he changed his looks significantly?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, your husband might be working towards a divorce. Also, if your husband has made significant changes in his routine, he could be building a separate social life in preparation for divorce or dating.
6. Your husband has started to move money around
Is your husband transferring money around without informing you? Probably withdrawing from the joint account or having salary deposited into a new account under his name?
Maybe he used to receive bonuses at work but he has not received them for some time, yet you know that he should be receiving them. He is either supporting someone else or anticipating a split.
A sudden change in behavior concerning money could be a sign that your husband wants to leave the marriage. This is especially the case if you have been making your financial decisions together. If his behavior is inconsistent with previous agreements, it is the clearest indication that your relationship is on the rocks.
Divorce never starts without careful financial planning. Your husband’s peculiar interest in financial matters is probably an indication that he is seeing an attorney who is asking him questions that he does not have an answer to.
7. Hidden Assets
One of the most obvious red flags for an impending divorce is your husband hiding assets.
You may notice new bank statements in the mail or realize that old statements are no longer coming. You may also find that you can no longer log into online Accounts. You may realize that your husband is lying about taxes and income.
If you notice suspicious activities of this nature, it could mean that your husband is hiding assets. Likely to protect them from the property division part of the upcoming divorce.
8. Your husband has withdrawn his affection
If your husband has become emotionally distant, this is a strong indication that he has checked out of the marriage.
Although it is common for the frequency of sexual intercourse to fluctuate in the course of a marriage, what is not normal is for a husband to avoid any form of intimacy with you.
If you realize that your husband rebuffs your efforts to be intimate with him, he is probably sharing that intimacy with another person and considering a divorce.
9. Your husband is reluctant to make joint decisions about the future
Is your husband reluctant to discuss the possibility of having another child? Does he no longer want to invest in a new home, even when you have considered it in the past, and you can afford it? What about vacations and plans for the summer? Is he avoiding a discussion about those too?
If your husband has suddenly stopped participating in decisions involving your future together, it is a huge red flag. The reason for your husband’s refusal to commit to the future could be that he doesn’t see you having one together.
10. Your husband withdraws physically
When you first met you were always physically close. There was plenty of sex and it was great. Now he seems withdrawn.
Some men have a hard time being physical with a woman they feel detached from. So him pulling away from sex can be a sign.
So what now..?
Just because your husband is exhibiting these behavior doesn’t mean he is definitely filing for a divorce. It could simply indicate that there is trouble in your relationship and if you act now, you could turn things around before matters get any worse.
If you answered yes to 5 or more of the points above then it's time to take action. It's quite unlikely with this many signs that it is a coincidence.
If you are not sure what the next steps are to recovering your marriage then there are specialists who can help. You can look at going to marriage counseling which is more of a formal step and may help your marriage.
However, if you want to start now and/or you don't think he will agree to any formal solutions then there is another option. There are more ‘DIY' programs that specialists in marriage breakdown have put together. You can see what they have to offer here.