Do you know research suggests that babies are designed to be adorable, so they appeal to our parental instincts? The cuteness forces us to give the babies the constant attention they need to survive.
MANY WOMEN HAVE BEEN where you are. When the longing to have a baby is overwhelming…
You already have visions of you mothering this incredible small human being. You constantly think of values you want to instill in your child, and of late you have found yourself googling ‘Private vs. Public schools.
But he says it’s not to be, not right now
He believes that something is holding the two of you back. Whether it be your careers, your relationship status, your living circumstances, your physical and emotional wellbeing, your financial situation… And even though it can be hell, it’s worth the wait.
To look at it from his side, it is true that once you have a child, your life is never the same again.
Parenthood has altered many people’s lives positively while others deeply regret welcoming new life into the world. In an interview, one parent readily admitted to being too much selfish to genuinely care for their child. They felt their child deserved better. Another dad indicated that he simply hated being a parent. Other parents confessed that if they had the opportunity to go back, they would take it.
Parenthood is a profound and life-changing experience.
Parenthood is the world’s craziest roller coaster. There is, therefore, no reason to jump the gun on the process. As with any other superpower, the power of motherhood demands great responsibility. It is worth thinking about and dwelling on until you know for sure that when to have a baby is the right choice for the both of you, and your child.
A word of encouragement: You may think you are running out of time, but you are not. Research indicates that since 1970, the birthrate among mothers between 35 – 39 years has risen from 1% to 14.2%.
So how will you conquer that raging baby fever?
Before we continue, let us agree that motherhood is not like any other venture; like starting a new business or starting a new job. It is about creating a new person.
As much as there is no perfect time to have a child, it helps to stack the odds in your favor. Start by cultivating an amazing relationship with yourself, because you will need the whole of you to take care of your child. Do not settle at being a functional human being, be a thriving woman.
Stop shopping already
You are not being fair to yourself by perusing all those websites that are devoted to taunting you with the cuteness that is baby stuff: Etsy, Target Baby, Faith Baby, and Marshmallow Kisses. Stop taking strolls to the baby shops. And whatever you do, do not buy or accept (from well-meaning friends) any baby stuff.
Stop reading mommy blogs
Worse than looking at and buying beautiful baby things that you do not need is reading about mothers and their experiences. Soaking up their lives, how much they adore their babies and how they are, oh, so glad they have their children, will drive you up the wall.
While at it, avoid shows that transport you smack dab in the middle of other women’s pregnancies, deliveries and children. It is being cruel to yourself. After the episode, the mothers go on with their lives while you go back to yours. Only the difference is, they get to keep the baby while you fuel your baby fever.
If you cannot be around people’s babies without swallowing a lump in your throat, keep off.
Some people may tell you that hanging around babies and witnessing the running noses, the temper tantrums, and dirty diapers will cure you of baby fever. This could not be further from the truth. Ha! If you truly long to have a baby, these things will actually intensify your desire.
The last thought
It is important that when your child comes that they are supported by both parents. If this means waiting a little while, while you keep at your partner to change his mind then so be it. It isn't good for your relationship to not be in agreement on something as big as this. It will only send him away and make him feel more like a passenger than an active participant.
Meanwhile, work on being the best version of yourself so that you can give an innocent little human being the best shot at a great life.
If you are interested in knowing more about how to change your husband's mind, then you can see a short video on what makes men tick here. It's a great insight into men and why they do what they do. It can help in situations like this where you want to see his real point of view and what he's really thinking and feeling, but he won't come straight out and tell you (which, let's be honest, is most of the time).
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