10 Signs He Wants a Divorce Even When He Says Everything is OK

Signs he wants a divorce - Man and woman on couch not speaking

WHEN YOU THINK YOUR MARRIAGE is in trouble, it's natural to want all the information you can gather

The fact is that there is only one person who can provide you with this information – your husband. Unfortunately, the highest likelihood is that he will not be forthcoming…

He may still be undecided

Your husband may not be talking about divorce because he has genuinely not decided if he is going to leave. There may be times when he is away from you and he is sure that he wants to leave. But when he spends time with you or he sees the children, he changes his mind and wishes things could go well between you.

Also, if your husband really cares about your marriage, he may still want to give your marriage the best chance for survival. Even if you press him for information, what you get may be premature because he also doesn't know what he wants at this point.

10 Signs your husband wants a divorce

All marriages go through phases of doubts, fights, blame, and tension. Just because you are going through a difficult period in your marriage does not mean that your marriage is in trouble.

Some signs of a breaking marriage are obvious while others are subtle. Noticing warning signs is essential in salvaging your marriage or ensuring that you do not get the short end of the stick should your husband go through with the divorce.

1. There is no communication

One of the pillars of a healthy marriage is effective communication. Although lack of communication may have contributed to the deterioration of your relationship, further changes in your husband’s communication patterns may signal that it is truly over.

2. He attacks you instead of the problem

When you discuss the issues in your marriage;

  • Does your husband do it in a way that implies something is wrong with you?
  • Are you always wrong while he is always right?
  • Does he end up attacking your character or personality instead of focusing on the issues?
  • Does he use generalization; ‘you always,’ ‘you never…….’
  • Do you lately feel under attack from your husband anytime you have a serious discussion?

This is could be an indication that your husband is no longer interested in the marriage.

3. Your husband expresses his contempt towards you

You will notice that his comments towards you have changed from affectionate to critical. He will criticize your weight, appearance and everything else in between.

Does your husband mock you, call you names, roll his eyes or becomes hurtfully sarcastic when you bring issues up? Does he attack your self-worth? Your husband is no longer interested in solving issues, an indication that he is no longer interested in this marriage.

4.  Your husband is always on the defensive

Your husband treats every discussion like an attack. He keeps acting like a victim and makes lots of excuses. He will ignore everything you say and counter it with complaints. He will also stonewall and walk out of conversations.

These signs show that your husband is no longer interested in communicating with you and he no longer cares about how your arguments turn out. They also indicate that he thinks that finding a solution is pointless.

This behavior also shows that your husband has stopped caring and he is unwilling to put any more emotional investment in something he no longer believes in.

5. Change of focus

Is your husband spending more time away from home than normal? Has he put more of himself into his work, business, children, friendships or hobbies? Does he seem to care more about his appearance? Has he changed his looks significantly?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, your husband might be working towards a divorce. Also, if your husband has made significant changes in his routine, he could be building a separate social life in preparation for divorce or dating.

6. Your husband has started to move money around

Is your husband transferring money around without informing you? Probably withdrawing from the joint account or having salary deposited into a new account under his name?

Maybe he used to receive bonuses at work but he has not received them for some time, yet you know that he should be receiving them. He is either supporting someone else or anticipating a split.

A sudden change in behavior concerning money could be a sign that your husband wants to leave the marriage. This is especially the case if you have been making your financial decisions together. If his behavior is inconsistent with previous agreements, it is the clearest indication that your relationship is on the rocks.

Divorce never starts without careful financial planning. Your husband’s peculiar interest in financial matters is probably an indication that he is seeing an attorney who is asking him questions that he does not have an answer to.

7. Hidden Assets

One of the most obvious red flags for an impending divorce is your husband hiding assets.

You may notice new bank statements in the mail or realize that old statements are no longer coming. You may also find that you can no longer log into online Accounts. You may realize that your husband is lying about taxes and income.

If you notice suspicious activities of this nature, it could mean that your husband is hiding assets. Likely to protect them from the property division part of the upcoming divorce.

8. Your husband has withdrawn his affection

If your husband has become emotionally distant, this is a strong indication that he has checked out of the marriage.

Although it is common for the frequency of sexual intercourse to fluctuate in the course of a marriage, what is not normal is for a husband to avoid any form of intimacy with you.

If you realize that your husband rebuffs your efforts to be intimate with him, he is probably sharing that intimacy with another person and considering a divorce.

9. Your husband is reluctant to make joint decisions about the future

Is your husband reluctant to discuss the possibility of having another child? Does he no longer want to invest in a new home, even when you have considered it in the past, and you can afford it? What about vacations and plans for the summer? Is he avoiding a discussion about those too?

If your husband has suddenly stopped participating in decisions involving your future together, it is a huge red flag. The reason for your husband’s refusal to commit to the future could be that he doesn’t see you having one together.

10. Your husband withdraws physically

When you first met you were always physically close. There was plenty of sex and it was great. Now he seems withdrawn.

Some men have a hard time being physical with a woman they feel detached from. So him pulling away from sex can be a sign.

So what now..?

Just because your husband is exhibiting these behavior doesn’t mean he is definitely filing for a divorce. It could simply indicate that there is trouble in your relationship and if you act now, you could turn things around before matters get any worse.

If you answered yes to 5 or more of the points above then it's time to take action. It's quite unlikely with this many signs that it is a coincidence.

If you are not sure what the next steps are to recovering your marriage then there are specialists who can help. You can look at going to marriage counseling which is more of a formal step and may help your marriage.

However, if you want to start now and/or you don't think he will agree to any formal solutions then there is another option. There are more ‘DIY' programs that specialists in marriage breakdown have put together. You can see what they have to offer here.

“Does My Husband Love Me?” – The 8 Point Checklist To Know If He Has Checked Out

woman wondering does my husband love me while sitting on a bed

woman wondering does my husband love me while sitting on a bed

WHEN YOU LOOK AT HIM INSTEAD OF LOVE, you see a tired, impatient look in his eyes.

And all joy has drained from his life. He has not said anything, but you have started to feel less important than his work, his friends, and even his phone. Now you can hardly get him to spend any time with you. He always seems busy doing one thing or the other…

You try to win back his attention

And so you work even harder to attract his attention; to make him happy. You think that pleasing him will make things better, only to realize that your efforts only make him resentful.

You no longer feel validated, and affection has become a scarce commodity. And then it hits you; ‘Does my husband love me? or has he fallen out of love'

8 Signs that your husband does not love you anymore

Often, there are  signs that your husband no longer loves you. The problem is not inadequate signs but that wives do not want to see and accept them. It is not easy to admit that your husband has fallen out of love with you.

The following signs may be an indication that your husband is losing interest in you.

Before reading on, prepare to step back from your relationship for a moment and examine it from the perspective of an outsider. It can be helpful to use a pen and paper and write down a yes or a no in a column to keep score as independently as possible.

1. Sudden absence

One telling sign that your husband doesn't love you anymore is his absence. All of a sudden, he needs a lot of space. You get a distinct feeling that your husband is avoiding you. Experts say that men who fall out of love with their wives start coming home late and spending more time away.

He will give excuses such increased work at the office. He might also start going more to the gym. If you have consistently been spending weekends together, he will start making other plans.

Eventually, his excuses for his absence become more and more flimsy. One thing that is apparent is that it becomes harder and harder to connect with him. This is a clear indication that something is wrong.

2. Lack of interest

A sure sign that your husband may not love you anymore is that he has become less and less interested in the day to day happenings of your life:

  • He is no longer interested in knowing how your day was.
  • He does not inquire about your hobbies and interests anymore.
  • He might start making plans without involving you.
  • He no longer compliments you, and you don’t feel that he appreciates you or that he is attracted to you anymore.

Generally, if your husband is no longer engaged in your life, it is a bad sign.

3. He has started to disrespect you

Your once loving husband has started to treat you rudely. He makes negative comments and criticizes you all the time. He may start verbally or emotionally abusing you, and his behavior has become passive-aggressive. You will find yourself walking on eggshells around him.

He might start to compare you with other women or your relationship with other couples’, in a negative light. Suddenly, everything you do irritates him, even those little quirks that he once thought were cute.

When you husband starts hurting you intentionally, this a clear indicator that he has lost interest in you.

4. He no longer cares about your emotional and sexual needs

There are many reasons why your sexual life can slump. However, if there is a definite shift in the way he interacts with you physically, it could mean that he is no longer attracted to you. If it feels as though the passion is completely dead and he shows no interest in reviving it, he is probably falling out of love with you.

You will notice that he is not doing anything to reciprocate your efforts at intimacy. If you realize that your husband no longer focuses on your needs or even bothers to satisfy them, something is wrong in your relationship.

5. The way he handles conflict has changed

When a partner has fallen out of love, he handles disagreements differently than he used to. All couples have their individual style of conflict resolution. However, when a couple’s relationship is stable, they use a relatively consistent method to solve their conflicts.

However, when love starts to wane, so does the attention to conflict resolution. Is your husband:

  • Indifferent; altogether giving up on arguing? He instead placates you and goes ahead to do what he wants anyway?
  • Picking abrupt and confusing fights and then using them as an excuse to leave the scene?
  • Choosing to stay angry long after you argued?

If your husband no longer genuinely wants to settle your conflicts and fix your relationship, then something else is going on with him.

6. He discusses your relationship in a negative, hopeless manner

Men are problem solvers. If there is a problem, especially with the woman that they love they will do everything to solve it.

When he falls out of love, he will not take any responsibility for the situation. He will blame you for everything that is wrong with your marriage. His tone will also turn from one of genuine curiosity to one of resignation. You will hear things like ‘I am just not happy anymore’; ‘is this all worth it?’

If he has decided that there is no way of fixing your relationship, he is looking for a way out of the marriage.

Does my husband love me - man spending time on phone instead of with wife

7. He has become obsessed with his phone or device

While he no longer communicates with you when you are a part, he will stay glued to his phone when you are together. This is a way of distracting himself from spending real time with you.

If he is flirting with someone else, he will never put his phone down in the fear that you will discover he is emotionally unfaithful (or even worse). If he no longer finds your presence stimulating, then he has probably lost all interest in you.

And the obvious one:

8. He stops telling you that he loves you

If your husband has shifted from saying ‘I love you’ to always just ‘me too,’ he is probably losing interest in you. If you observe this, stop saying ‘I love you’ for a few days and see what happens. If he also stops expressing his love, then clearly there is a problem.

We hope you have a much better picture of whether he loves you or not. This is a crucial moment in your relationship that will determine whether you will live happily ever after or he leaves you.

The future

If you have kept score, and indeed discovered that he is losing interest in you, do not panic. Wondering whether a husband loves you is one of the most common questions many wives ask during a rough patch in their marriage. You are not alone, and you know what, your marriage can rise from these ashes and blossom once again.

Many times, a marriage needs to hit rock bottom before it can be rebuilt and revived.

Thanks for reading my guide on ‘does my husband love me?' – the checklist to know if he has checked out. You can contact me here

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